We often hear the word "gratitude," but what does it really mean? It's much more than just a quick "thank you." Gratitude is a deep emotion , a true state of mind. It's the art of noticing and sincerely appreciating all the good in our lives, from the smallest things to the greatest joys. For a parent, it's a valuable tool to pass on to cultivate their child's emotional well-being.
Understanding Gratitude Beyond Just Thank You
For a child, gratitude isn't an abstract concept. Rather, it's a skill that can be cultivated, much like learning to ride a bike. At first, it takes a little help and practice. But once you've found your balance, it becomes a reflex that makes the ride much more enjoyable. It's a kind of superpower that helps them see the glass as half full.
Basically, practicing gratitude means choosing to focus your attention on what's going well. This allows your child to build a more optimistic and serene view of the world, even when they encounter the small challenges of everyday life.
More than a word, an emotion to cultivate as a family
It's essential to distinguish between politeness and gratitude. Saying "thank you" is a habit, a social rule that we learn. Gratitude, on the other hand, is that warm feeling that sparkles inside us when we think of that "thank you."
For example, when your child thanks their grandmother for a gift, politeness is the word "thank you." Gratitude is the joy they feel when they realize that their grandmother thought of them and wanted to please them. It's this emotional connection that transforms a word into a truly positive experience and strengthens family bonds.
Gratitude is not a debt, but a feeling. It's the emotion we feel when we are touched by a gesture or a word. This inner strength fuels joy, creativity, and self-confidence.
Helping your child name this feeling is the first step in cultivating it day after day, thus developing their emotional intelligence.
The Pillars of Gratitude for Your Child
To make this concept even more concrete, we can break it down into three simple ideas, perfectly suited to a child between 6 and 12 years old .
To help parents better understand and convey these ideas, here is a short summary.
The Facets of Gratitude Simply Explained
A summary of key concepts to help parents understand and explain gratitude to their child.
| Concept | What this means for your child | An example to start the conversation |
|---|---|---|
| Recognition of good things | It's about noticing the small and big joys of the day, even the simplest ones. | "What warmed your heart today? For me, it was the sun on my face when I went outside." |
| Appreciation of others | It's understanding that the people around us (family, friends, teachers) do things to help us or please us. | "Dad helped you with your homework. Did you feel it was kind of him to take that time for you?" |
| Present moment awareness | It is the ability to enjoy a pleasant moment, here and now, without thinking about anything else. | "This hug is so sweet, let's close our eyes for a second to really enjoy it." |
By building on these three pillars, you're not just teaching them to be grateful. You're giving them the keys to building their own source of happiness and resilience. It's a solid foundation for developing empathy, self-confidence, and seeing the bright side of life.
The Proven Benefits of Gratitude in Children
Incorporating gratitude into a child's daily life is arguably one of the greatest gifts we can give them for their personal development. It's not just a trendy idea; its effects are very real and observed. By cultivating this habit, children develop emotional and social skills that will serve them throughout their lives.
Think of gratitude like a muscle. The more you train it, the stronger it becomes. For a child, this means becoming more resilient to challenges big and small, better managing their emotions, and building strong bonds with others. It's an incredible tool for building healthy self-esteem.
A shield for emotional well-being
One of the most powerful impacts of gratitude is seen on mental health. For children between the ages of 6 and 12 , a period when the first academic and social pressures appear, gratitude acts as a real soothing balm.
By learning to focus on what's going well, a child can more easily put the little worries of everyday life into perspective. This mental exercise helps naturally reduce stress and anxiety. Instead of dwelling on a bad grade or a minor argument at recess, they have the keys to remembering the happy moments, which balances their outlook.
For example, after a disappointing grade, a child accustomed to gratitude might say to themselves, "It's true that I'm disappointed, but today I also laughed a lot with my friend at recess and I loved the story Mom read to me." This simple reflex changes everything.
Richer family and friendship relationships
Gratitude doesn't stop with oneself; it extends to others. A child who appreciates what others do for them naturally becomes more empathetic, generous, and attentive.
He understands the value of a kind gesture or a helping hand. And this understanding is the cornerstone for building healthy friendships and stronger family bonds.
Gratitude transforms the way we interact. It transforms us from being a mere "consumer" of kindness to a true "doer" of kindness.
This mechanism has also been studied closely. Research, including in France, shows that the feeling of gratitude is directly linked to the perception of the intentions of others. When a child understands that a gesture has been made for them, with a positive intention, their gratitude grows, and with it, their desire to do good in turn. To delve deeper into this topic, you can consult this analysis on gratitude and prosocial behaviors .
Concretely, this is how this translates into his relationships:
- At school: He shares his things more easily, thanks his classmates and does not hesitate to defend someone.
- At home: He participates in small tasks of his own accord, says thank you for a good meal or a pleasant time spent with family, strengthening harmony in the home.
- With himself: He learns to be more forgiving of his own mistakes, which strengthens his self-esteem .
In short, teaching your child gratitude is giving them an inner compass that will guide them throughout their lives towards well-being and harmonious relationships.
Incorporate gratitude into your family routine
We've seen what gratitude is and why it's so beneficial. All right. But the question on every parent's mind is: how do you integrate it into the whirlwind of everyday life without it becoming just another chore? The idea isn't to add extra pressure, but to weave gratitude into the fabric of your days, in a simple and fun way.
No need to block off hours in your calendar. Instead, think of it as little seeds of joy you sow here and there. Just a few minutes is all it takes for gratitude to become a habit, a family ritual that strengthens bonds and brings a nice dose of good cheer to the home.
Simple family rituals for lasting impact
The easiest way to make gratitude second nature to your child is to create small rituals. The key is consistency. Find a time that works for everyone—morning, evening, or during mealtimes—and stick to it. It's this consistency that will anchor the practice for good.
Here are some easy ideas to adopt:
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The Happiness Jar: Take a simple glass jar and decorate it together. Place it in a prominent place. Each day, each family member writes (or draws) on a piece of paper something they are grateful for and slips it inside. Once a week, open it and read all these little treasures aloud. It's a magical moment of family sharing!
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The Rose and the Thorn of Dinner: At mealtime, have a little round-table discussion. Everyone shares their "rose" (a beautiful moment of the day) and their "thorn" (a small challenge or difficulty). This allows you to express everything, the good and the bad, while ending on a positive note.
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Bedtime Gratitude: Just before bed, after the story, ask a simple question: "What is the best thing that happened to you today?" It's a very gentle way to end the day and prepare for a peaceful night.
These little moments help your child put into words what they feel positively and strengthen their sense of belonging to the family.
A simple notebook, as shown in the image, can become a valuable companion for capturing these moments.
Writing it down makes gratitude concrete. It's a gesture, a pause we give ourselves to truly appreciate things.
Questions to start the discussion
Sometimes children get a bit stuck. They struggle to find the right words or pinpoint exactly what they're feeling. The goal isn't to tell them the answers, but to guide them with open-ended questions that make them think. Imagine giving them "gratitude glasses" to see their day differently.
Making gratitude a habit is like teaching a gardener to notice every flower that grows, not just the weeds. It changes their entire perception of their garden.
Here are some ideas to start the conversation, to be adapted of course to the age of your child:
- “Who did something nice for you today?”
- “What sound or smell made you smile?”
- “Tell me about a time when you felt proud of yourself.”
- “If there was one thing from your day that you could bottle up and keep, what would it be?”
By asking these questions, you're not only explaining what gratitude is , you're showing your child how to find it for themselves, day after day, and creating precious moments of connection with them.
Journaling: A Powerful Tool for Cultivating Gratitude
While family rituals are a great starting point, a gratitude journal is one of the most effective ways to truly instill gratitude in a child. It's a tool that transforms a sometimes vague idea into something concrete and personal. It offers a little space of their own where they can share their happiest thoughts and develop their creativity.
A notebook like the one from My Book Story is much more than just a notebook. It becomes a confidant. The simple act of putting down on paper, through writing or drawing, what made their day brighter helps children give form to their emotions. And in doing so, the feeling of gratitude becomes stronger, more real.
A creative space to explore your inner world
For a child, especially between the ages of 6 and 12 , emotions are expressed as much with words as with pencils. A well-thought-out gratitude journal is not just a blank page. It must gently guide the child, without ever forcing them, by stimulating their imagination.
A well-structured journal will often ask short questions or suggest fun activities to help them reflect while having fun. For example, instead of the somewhat intimidating question, "What are you grateful for?", prompts like "Draw the best part of your day" or "Who made you smile today?" make the exercise much easier and more fun.
This simple tool quickly becomes a precious ritual. Thanks to it, your child learns to:
- Visualize your happiness: By rereading your notes or looking at your drawings, you build up a real collection of happy memories.
- Developing emotional autonomy: He learns to identify and understand his feelings by himself, developing better self-knowledge.
- Strengthen his self-esteem: Reviewing all the beautiful things that have happened to him shows him that his life is full of richness and that he is capable of seeing the beauty around him.
How Journaling Becomes a Comforting Habit
For a gratitude journal to work, the key is consistency, not perfection. The idea isn't to write a novel every night, but simply to create a gentle, calming habit.
A journal is not a school assignment, but a secret garden. Its value is not measured by the quantity of things written, but by the sincerity of this little moment spent with oneself.
To make this journal an everyday companion, try incorporating it into your bedtime routine. Right after story time or before bed, suggest your child take five minutes to fill out a page. This quiet time not only fosters gratitude; it also helps calm their mind before falling asleep.
The journal then becomes much more than just an exercise. It's a time machine that captures his childhood joys. It's a tool that will grow with him and, day after day, help him better understand what gratitude is and how it can color his life with a thousand and one positive hues.
Overcoming Obstacles to Gratitude
Even with the best will in the world, there are days when teaching your child gratitude seems like an impossible task. Do they complain, grumble, or seem unable to see the slightest ray of sunshine? This is completely normal. These moments are part of the learning process, for them and for you as a parent.
The mistake would be to try to banish negative emotions at all costs. The first step, on the contrary, is to welcome them. A child who feels heard in their frustration or sadness will be much more open, later on, to changing their perspective. Gratitude cannot flourish if difficult emotions are denied access.
Validate emotions before looking for the positive
When your child complains, their first need isn't a lesson in gratitude. It's to feel understood. Before even trying to find the positive, it's essential to validate their feelings. This is the foundation upon which trust and emotional security are built.
Try some simple sentences:
- "I see you're really disappointed that you can't go outside and play. This rain is frustrating."
- "You seem angry that your friend broke your toy. It's normal to feel that way, I understand."
Only once the emotion is acknowledged and the storm begins to calm can you gently invite them to look elsewhere. For example, after validating their disappointment, you might follow up with, "It's true that the rain changes our plans. But look, it gives us a chance to do that great puzzle we never get around to starting." You're not denying their frustration; you're simply showing them that another door exists.
Your role isn't to erase the clouds, but to teach your child to spot the rainbow that may be hiding behind them. It's a subtle change, but one that's fundamental to their development.
Your example, the most beautiful lesson
Children are emotional sponges. They learn much more by watching you than by listening to you. If you're constantly complaining about your day, it will be difficult for them to understand what gratitude is .
Even when exhausted, try to verbalize a small positive point. "Whew, what a day! But I'm so happy to finally be home with you." Your own ability to find a little light in difficult times is the best lesson you can offer him. This notion of recognition within the home is also a historically very strong value in our society. Studies of censuses in France between 1851 and 1921 show that mutual aid and recognition were pillars of family cohesion. To delve deeper into this subject, you can discover these societal analyses on journals.openedition.org .
By transforming these moments of frustration into opportunities for dialogue and connection, you're not just teaching them gratitude. You're teaching them empathy, resilience, and the art of finding happiness, even when things don't go as planned.
Your questions about gratitude and children
Walking with your child on the path to gratitude is an adventure. And as with any adventure, it's perfectly normal to have questions along the way. This section is here to simply answer them, giving you the confidence to guide your child.
Let's take a look at the most common questions parents have. The idea is to give you clear answers and concrete ways to overcome the little challenges of everyday life.
At what age can a child truly understand gratitude?
The concept of gratitude evolves as your child grows. Learning happens in stages, at the pace of your child's emotional and cognitive development.
A child of 6 or 7 , for example, begins to connect gratitude to very concrete things. It's the pure joy of receiving a new toy, the comfort of a big hug, or the pleasure of savoring their favorite dish. At this age, gratitude is above all sensory and immediate.
It's only around the ages of 9 to 12 that their thinking becomes more abstract. They can then begin to appreciate deeper forms of gratitude: being grateful for the support of a friend, for the opportunity to learn something new, or for the effort you made to throw them a great birthday party.
Gratitude grows with your child. It progresses from simply saying "thank you" for an item to truly appreciating the intentions and connections behind a gesture.
What if my child thinks it's "completely rubbish"?
Does your child roll their eyes as soon as you mention gratitude? Does they think the newspaper is "useless" or the thank-you roundtable "for babies"? Above all, don't get hung up on them. And never force them. Imposed gratitude becomes a chore and instantly loses all meaning.
The best approach is to make the exercise more discreet, more creative, and above all, more fun.
Here are some ideas for gently getting around its resistance:
- Change the format: Try the "happy jar." Everyone anonymously drops small pieces of paper into it. This is often better accepted than going around the table.
- Turn it into a game: Start a “good news scavenger hunt” challenge, where the goal is to find three positive things about your day before dinner.
- Lead by example, without expecting anything in return: Express your own gratitude, authentically. "I loved our little walk, thank you for sharing this moment with me." Sooner or later, your child will become curious and naturally imitate you.
What is the difference between gratitude and simple politeness?
It's a common confusion, but the difference is essential. Helping your child understand it is the key to making them understand what gratitude really is , far beyond automatic.
Politeness is, above all, a rule of the social game. A code that we learn to live well together. Saying "thank you" when receiving a gift is politeness. It is an expected behavior, sometimes mechanical, which does not necessarily imply emotion.
Gratitude , on the other hand, is a felt emotion . It is the warm feeling behind the "thank you." It is a sincere acknowledgment of the other's kindness and generosity. Politeness is an outward gesture; gratitude is an inner state.
The word "thank you" is also a pillar of our relationships. According to a 2017 survey, nearly 70% of French people believe that saying "thank you" is a fundamental element of life in society. We have also seen the importance of this emotion during crises, such as the pandemic, where expressions of gratitude towards caregivers have exploded, showing its powerful role in uniting us together. To go further, you can explore the different facets of gratitude on Wikipedia .
To help your child make the connection, ask them a simple question after they say thank you: "How did it feel to receive that? It makes your heart feel good, doesn't it?" This little zoom in on their feelings helps them connect the word to the emotion. It's this pleasant feeling that is true gratitude, and it's this feeling we're trying to foster.
Give your child a space to explore their emotions and build their self-confidence. With the My Book Story notebook, they can learn to cultivate gratitude in a fun and creative way. Discover this wonderful tool now on the My Book Story website .