“My big baby,” “I don’t want to go to middle school,” “It was better when I was little.” Do these little phrases ring a bell? If so, rest assured: the fear of growing up is a completely normal stage for a child between the ages of 6 and 12. It’s often less a rejection of the future than an expression of their need for security and your affection.
Learning to Decode Your Child's Fear of Growing Up
Does your child seem nostalgic for their kindergarten years or anxious about taking on new responsibilities? This is a very common reaction. This pivotal period, between the ages of 6 and 12, is when they realize that time is passing and expectations are changing.
Far from being a problem, this apprehension is most often a sign of a strong and healthy attachment to one's family cocoon. It's a natural reaction to the looming unknown, and it's a valuable opportunity to connect with their emotions.
Where does this concern really come from?
The fear of growing up isn't always expressed in words. Sometimes, as a parent, you have to be on the lookout for more subtle signs that betray very real anxiety.
Big changes, especially at school or in the circle of friends, are often major triggers, especially around the age of 8-10 , when entering CM1 or CM2.
Behind this fear often lie deeper emotions:
- Fear of losing your affection: Is your child afraid that as they grow up, there will be fewer hugs, less attention, and that your special bond will change?
- Anxiety over new expectations: Homework gets more complicated, friendships become more nuanced, and more autonomy is expected at home. It can all seem like a mountain to climb.
- The dizziness of body changes: The approach of puberty and physical transformations can be a source of worry, especially if he compares himself to his peers.
To better identify these signals and know how to respond to them, this table can help you understand the connection between the behavior you observe and the emotion that may be behind it.
Signs of Growing Up Fear and What They Reveal
| Observable child behavior | Possible emotional meaning | How to react with kindness |
|---|---|---|
| “It was better before” / Excessive nostalgia | Need to cling to the security of the past | Validate their feelings: "It's true that things were great when you were little. What do you miss most?" |
| Refusal of new responsibilities (e.g. going to the bakery alone) | Fear of failure, anxiety about the unknown | Offer gradual support: “Let’s go together the first time, and next time, will you try it alone?” |
| Regressive behaviors (baby talk, asking for the comforter again) | Seeking comfort and emotional security | Acknowledge this need without judgment: "Looks like you could use a big hug. Come here." Avoid teasing. |
| Anxiety about changing schools or classes | Fear of losing one's bearings, one's friends, and of not being up to it | Reassure and project positively: “It’s normal to be a little worried. We’re going to visit your new school together, you’ll see!” |
This chart is a guide to help you start the conversation. The important thing is to show your child that their emotions are legitimate and that you are there to support them.
Understanding that this fear isn't a whim but rather an expression of a need for comfort is the first step. Your role is to validate his feelings, reassure him of the permanence of your love, and support him through this delicate transition.
Finding the right balance between your growing desire for autonomy and your need for security is a delicate balancing act. The goal isn't to make your fear disappear, but rather to give you the tools to overcome it with confidence.
Helping your child see the future as an adventure
When a child is afraid of growing up, it's often because the future seems unclear and threatening. Our role as parents isn't to brush off their fears, but to help them change their perspective. The idea is to transform this anxiety into a healthy curiosity about everything that lies ahead.
To achieve this, there's nothing like a creative and playful approach. We need to help them imagine a positive future, a future where they feel competent and happy.
Creating a bridge to the future
Talking about the future is good. Making it concrete and fun is much better. One creative activity that works wonders is the "future dream box."
It's a simple family ritual. Take an old shoebox and have fun decorating it with your child. This box will become their personal treasure chest. Suggest they put in it anything they want for when they're older:
- A drawing of the job he imagines doing, whether it's astronaut, animal carer or video game designer.
- Little words that describe a trip he dreams of taking.
- Pictures cut out of a magazine: learning to play the guitar, skateboarding, baking a cake on your own...
From time to time, you can open the box together. This is the perfect opportunity to discuss your dreams, see if they have changed, and perhaps add new ones. It's a simple ritual that anchors the future in something positive and tangible.
By focusing on what is desirable, the child begins to associate growing up with achieving their own goals, rather than a list of duties and responsibilities.
Highlighting the treasures of each age
Growing up also means gaining new freedoms and mastering new skills. Present these milestones not as inevitable, but as exciting privileges to unlock, much like in a video game.
A good idea is to organize discussions with loved ones your child likes: grandparents, an uncle, an aunt... Ask them to share their own memories. What did they dream about when they were little? What did they enjoy most about growing up? By listening to their stories, your child will understand that everyone goes through this and that it's an adventure shared by all.
On a daily basis, highlight the small and large advantages of each new step:
- More freedom: Being able to choose your books at the library, managing a little pocket money, being allowed to sleep at a friend's house.
- New talents: Finally being able to ride a bike without training wheels, being able to read a story to your little sister, becoming unbeatable at your favorite game.
Every step forward becomes a small celebration. Little by little, the fear of growing up transforms into a joyful anticipation of discovering what's next.
Create family rituals to reassure your child about change
For a child, the outside world can sometimes seem chaotic and unpredictable. When the fear of growing up rears its ugly head, it's often a sign that they need stable points of reference. This is where family rituals come in: they act as real anchors that provide a sense of security and strengthen bonds.
Even the simplest traditions send a powerful message: “No matter what changes around us, our family remains a strong and loving cocoon.”
Celebrating every milestone, together
Rituals help mark the passage of time and transform potentially distressing milestones into true family accomplishments. Instead of viewing change as a source of anxiety, you learn to celebrate it together.
Here are some concrete and easy-to-adopt ideas to create these reassuring landmarks:
- The Weekly Pride Notebook : Every Sunday evening, for example, take out a pretty notebook. Everyone writes or draws a small victory of the week: a math exercise completed successfully, a new word learned, a favor done for a friend... The important thing is to highlight the positive and the shared pride.
- The special "new milestone" evening : Has your child finally learned to ride a bike without training wheels? Or read their first book on their own? Make a big splash! Organize a pizza and movie night, bake their favorite cake, or let them choose the activity. This transforms a milestone into a joyful, shared memory.
These moments don't just create beautiful memories. They show your child in a tangible way that growing up is an adventure filled with accomplishments that deserve to be celebrated by those they love.
A ritual doesn't need to be complicated to work. Its real strength lies in its regularity and the intention behind it: to show that every step forward is a source of pride for the whole family.
Building sustainable internal security
By structuring time, rituals provide a sense of predictability that is essential for a child who feels a little lost in the face of change. They help them build a strong inner security , a foundation that will serve them well throughout their lives.
Think about it: The bedtime routine—the story, the cuddle, the little chat about the day—is a powerful ritual in itself. It reminds your child that no matter what challenges they face, the day always ends with a moment of calm and connection with you.
These traditions, through their simple repeated actions, prove that family love and support are constants, even when everything else changes.
Putting your fears into words: the first essential step
To help your child, the first thing to do is create a space where they feel confident enough to speak up. They need to know that their concerns are valid, heard, and, most importantly, that they won't be judged or brushed aside.
The intention is often good, but it's easy to fall into the trap of "But no, don't be afraid!" Unfortunately, this phrase can make the child feel alone and misunderstood.
First validate, then reassure
The secret is to start by validating their emotion. Before looking for solutions, show them that what they're feeling is completely normal.
Rather than cutting the conversation short, try an approach that invites discussion. For example: "I feel like the idea of growing up is bothering you a little lately. We can talk about it if you want?" If your child opens up, welcome their comments with empathy: "I understand that this can be a little scary."
Only once he feels understood and safe can you begin to build a dialogue. This validation is the foundation of trust.
A great way to help is to share your own memories. Tell them, in simple words, that you too were afraid of transitioning to middle school or not being able to make new friends. Knowing that you've been there can be incredibly comforting and make them feel less alone.
Anxiety, a factor to take into account
It's also important to remember that this fear is sometimes part of a general climate of anxiety. A recent study has shown that the mental health of young people is a major concern. To learn more, you can read the details of this study conducted by the Senate .
This context can amplify your child's fear of the unknown of adulthood. By offering a listening ear and honest dialogue, you're not just reassuring them in the moment. You're giving them the keys to better understand and manage their emotions, both today and in the future.
Know when to seek outside help
Most of the time, your child's fear of growing up is just a phase, an emotional wave that you'll help them navigate. This is completely normal. But sometimes, this anxiety takes hold and becomes a symptom of something deeper. Knowing how to spot the signs is essential to providing the right support at the right time.
It's important to distinguish between a passing worry and behaviors that should really alert you. A little touch of nostalgia is one thing, but withdrawal that has been taking hold for several weeks is another.
Signs that should alert you
Certain behaviors, especially if they are intense and prolonged, may signal that the fear of growing up is taking up too much space in your child's emotional development. Keep an eye out if you notice:
- A systematic refusal to participate in age-appropriate activities, such as birthday parties or school outings.
- A clear and lasting regression , for example if he starts talking like a baby again or if small toilet accidents resurface.
- Social isolation , when he moves away from his friends and chooses to stay alone.
- An obvious loss of his joy of life , replaced by a sadness or irritability that never leaves him.
Seeking help is never an admission of failure as a parent. On the contrary, it's a demonstration of love and care. It shows that you take your child's emotional health very seriously.
This intense anxiety can sometimes be linked to what is known as "Peter Pan syndrome," which is a way of avoiding adult responsibilities. While not an official medical diagnosis, this term accurately describes the real suffering that paralyzing fear can cause. If you'd like to learn more, you can read about Peter Pan syndrome and its symptoms .
If these signs worry you and you see that they've been affecting your child's daily life for several weeks, talk to your pediatrician. They'll listen to you and, if necessary, refer you to a psychologist or child psychiatrist. These professionals can help your child put their feelings into words and find ways to feel better.
Frequently Asked Questions About Fear of Growing Up
As a parent, hearing your child express their fear of growing up can raise a lot of questions. This is completely normal. Here are some concrete answers, taken from real-life situations, to help you gain clarity and approach the subject with greater peace of mind at home.
My 7-year-old says he never wants to grow up, is this normal?
Yes, this is a very common and completely normal reaction at this age. Around the age of 7 , a child begins to have a better awareness of the passage of time. When he tells you this, it is not really a definitive decision, but rather a way of expressing his current well-being.
In fact, he's saying, "I like my life the way it is, and the idea of it changing worries me a little." The best thing to do is to welcome this emotion with kindness.
A simple and reassuring answer might be, "I understand—it's so great to be a kid! But don't worry, every age has its own wonderful surprises. And Mom and Dad will always be there for you, no matter how old you are."
Just validating their feelings, showing them that you've heard them, is a big step in calming them down.
How do you know if it's just a fear or a more serious anxiety?
The difference really comes down to the intensity of the fear and its impact on daily life. A little apprehension is a normal developmental stage. It manifests itself in a few phrases here and there, but it doesn't prevent your child from having fun, learning, and living their life.
Anxiety becomes more of a concern when it becomes more prevalent and causes more pronounced symptoms:
- Sleep disturbances, such as difficulty falling asleep or recurring nightmares.
- Frequent stomach aches or headaches, for which the doctor cannot find a cause.
- A sudden refusal to go to school or participate in usual activities.
- A withdrawal into oneself or sadness that lasts for several weeks.
If you feel that this fear is paralyzing your child and permanently affecting their joy of living, do not hesitate to discuss it with your pediatrician or a psychologist.
How can I help him accept new responsibilities?
The secret is to take it slowly and frame things positively. See new responsibilities not as chores, but as privileges, signs that you trust him. In short, turn the obligation into a special mission.
For example, instead of saying, "You have to make your bed," try a more engaging approach: "You're now old enough to be the bed boss! Your challenge? Make it super inviting every morning."
The important thing is to always celebrate their efforts, even if the result isn't perfect. A small accountability chart with collectible stickers can also do wonders for motivation. The goal is to make them feel proud and competent, not overwhelmed by expectations.
The My Book Story notebook is a wonderful companion to help you through this time. Through creative and positive activities, it helps your child put their emotions into words, celebrate their successes, and transform their fears into confidence. It's a great way to give them space to grow at their own pace, discovering all their strengths. Discover the My Book Story notebook here .