You've probably heard of the "growth mindset." But what does it mean in concrete terms for you and your 6- to 12-year-old child? It's simply the belief that their abilities, such as intelligence, creativity, and empathy, aren't set in stone.
For a parent, it's the idea that their child's brain is a bit like a muscle: the more it exercises, the stronger it gets . This perspective changes everything. A challenge is no longer a scary obstacle, but a chance to grow stronger and gain self-confidence.
What is growth mindset, anyway?
Think of your child's brain as a garden. A person with a fixed mindset thinks this garden is born with a certain number of seeds, and that's it. If there are no seeds for "math" or "drawing," well, too bad.
In contrast, the growth mindset sees this same garden as incredibly fertile soil. Every effort, every mistake, and every new strategy is a seed that can be planted and nurtured. Failure is simply fertilizer for the next attempt.
Far from being just a positive thought, this idea is supported by science, notably neuroplasticity, which shows us that our brains form new connections every time we learn something new.
The idea isn't to believe that everyone can become Einstein. Rather, it's to understand that everyone can become smarter and more capable through perseverance and hard work. For your child, this means that their current talents are just a starting point, not a final destination.
The pillars of the growth mindset
To truly grasp this concept, we can break it down into three key ideas. These are the ingredients that allow your child's confidence and creativity to flourish.
This image perfectly illustrates how neuroplasticity, effort, and resilience are the three pillars that support the growth mindset.
It's not just a matter of optimism, but a system based on action and the brain's very real capacity to evolve.
- Effort is the driving force : With a growth mindset, making an effort isn't a sign of weakness, but the direct path to mastery. It helps your child proudly say, "I worked hard for this," rather than "I'm good at it."
- Mistakes are information : Failure loses its drama. It becomes valuable information, a chance to ask yourself, "What can I try differently next time?"
- Curiosity is the compass : A child with a growth mindset is curious about challenges. They don't avoid them, but rather see them as fun puzzles to solve.
Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset
Understanding the difference between these two mindsets is the first step in guiding your child. The chart below highlights typical reactions to situations your child encounters every day. It's a great tool to help you see where your child stands.
Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset
A clear comparison to help parents distinguish between the two mindsets.
| Situation | Fixed Mindset Reaction | Growth Mindset Reaction |
|---|---|---|
| Receive a bad grade | "I'm bad at math. I'll never be able to do it." | "That wasn't my best grade. I'm going to ask for help to understand what I didn't understand." |
| Make a mistake in a drawing | "My drawing is a failure. I'm throwing it away and stopping." | "This part isn't what I wanted. It's an opportunity to practice drawing hands." |
| A friend achieves something difficult | "He's lucky, he's smarter than me." | "Wow, he must have practiced a lot! I could ask him how he did it." |
By observing these reactions, you can begin to spot these thought patterns in your child... and in yourself too! Simply recognizing these moments is a giant step toward cultivating a family atmosphere where growth is celebrated.
The greatest gift we can give our children is to teach them to love challenges, to be intrigued by mistakes, to appreciate effort, and to keep learning. This is the foundation of lasting self-confidence.
Why this mindset is so important for your child
Knowing the definition of a growth mindset is a good first step. But what really matters is seeing how it can actually change your child's daily life. Far from being a simple personal development tip, it's a real pillar for their emotional balance and self-confidence.
Think of this mindset as fertile ground. It's on this foundation that their creativity and ability to cope with life's challenges will be able to grow and flourish.
For a child between the ages of 6 and 12 , the pressure to succeed is already there. At school, during sports activities, or even with friends, they are constantly confronted with expectations. Instilling a growth mindset is like giving them a shield against the anxiety that the fear of failure can cause.
Turning Failure into a Springboard
One of the greatest gifts of the growth mindset is that it completely changes our outlook on failure. For a child with a fixed mindset, a bad grade or a missed goal is proof of inadequacy. It's a door that closes, often accompanied by thoughts like, "I'm useless."
Conversely, the growth mindset sees things differently. Failure is no longer an end in itself, but simply information. A starting point for trying a new strategy. The child then learns to ask themselves: "Okay, that didn't work. What could I try differently next time?"
This simple shift in thinking is fundamental. It defuses the fear of making mistakes, the fear that paralyzes so many children and prevents them from daring to try new things.
By learning to see mistakes not as walls but as steps, your child builds authentic self-confidence. A confidence that is not based on innate gifts, but on their very real capacity to act and improve.
Implementing this approach from a young age is essential. A study by Public Health France showed that approximately 8% of preschool children experience at least one mental health issue that affects their daily lives. Initiating practices that encourage a positive mindset toward learning and emotions then becomes a solid foundation for their well-being. To learn more, you can consult the results of this study on children's mental health .
Developing resilience to face any challenge
Resilience is the famous ability to bounce back after a challenge. It's not something innate; it's a skill that can be cultivated. And a growth mindset is its best fertilization.
A resilient child doesn't collapse at the first obstacle. They understand that hard work is the path to success and that challenges are part of the game. It is this inner strength that will later allow them to face life's challenges with courage and serenity.
Here's how this mindset fuels his day-to-day resilience:
- When faced with a difficult task: Instead of getting discouraged, he seeks help or tries another method.
- After an argument with a friend: Rather than feeling rejected, he thinks about what he can do to make things better.
- When learning a new instrument: He accepts that wrong notes are part of the process of one day playing a smooth melody.
Building Authentic Self-Confidence
Ultimately, the most visible benefit is healthy, solid self-confidence. A child who cultivates a growth mindset doesn't depend on praise from others to feel worthwhile. Their confidence comes from within, from the certainty that they have the capacity to learn and progress.
He knows that even if he doesn't get there yet , he has the tools to do so one day. This inner security is a true treasure that will follow him throughout his life. It will allow him to approach the future with optimism and boldness.
In short, you are not only teaching him to succeed, but above all, to never stop growing.
Spotting the Signs of a Fixed Mindset
Helping your child develop a growth mindset starts with a key step: learning to recognize what's holding them back. Sometimes, a fixed mindset creeps in quietly, through seemingly innocuous phrases or reactions. Knowing how to spot them gives you the opportunity to intervene gently and at the right time.
These signs aren't flaws, far from it. Rather, they're reflexes, a kind of shield to protect oneself. They often hide a fear of failure or the belief that talents are frozen once and for all. As a parent, your role isn't to judge these reactions, but to understand them in order to guide your child towards a more fulfilling path.
Language that betrays a fixed mentality
The words your child uses are a window into their way of thinking. A fixed mindset often hides behind definitive statements, those that close the door on any possibility of progress. Pay attention to these little phrases that may seem banal, but they speak volumes.
Here are some typical expressions to keep in mind:
- “It’s too hard, I’m quitting.” This sentence is a warning sign. It shows that the challenge is seen as an insurmountable wall, not as an opportunity to learn something new.
- "I'm not cut out for this." This is the hallmark of the belief in innate gifts. The child is convinced that he simply didn't receive the "gene" for drawing, math, or sports.
- "I don't want to look like a loser." Fear of what others think is a powerful barrier. The child prefers not to try anything rather than risk making a mistake in front of others.
- "It's his fault, he's stronger than me." Comparing yourself and attributing the success of others to superior talent is a way of avoiding having to look at your own efforts.
These phrases are valuable clues. They reveal that your child associates effort with a lack of ability, when in reality, it is the driving force behind all learning.
Behaviors to observe
Beyond words, actions speak for themselves. A fixed mindset often manifests itself through avoidance or discouragement in the face of difficulty. Take the time to observe how your child reacts in their daily lives.
Here are some mini-scenarios to help you see things more clearly:
Scenario 1: A puzzle that is a little too complicated
- Fixed behavior: After two or three tries, he pushes the box away with a sigh and goes to do something else. He may say the puzzle is "rubbish" or "poorly done."
- What it reveals: He gives up quickly in the face of frustration and blames others.
Scenario 2: A loss at a board game
- Fixed behavior: He sulks, accuses others of cheating, or refuses to play another game. Loss is experienced as a personal attack.
- What it reveals: Their self-worth is directly tied to the outcome, rather than seeing the game as simply a moment of fun and learning.
Scenario 3: A new exercise in math homework
- Fixed Behavior: He doesn't even start, claiming he "doesn't understand anything" before even trying to break down the problem.
- What it reveals: Avoiding challenge is his strategy to avoid facing potential failure.
Spotting these signs isn't an end in itself; it's a starting point. Each time you identify one of these reactions, see it as a great opportunity to open a dialogue and offer a different perspective: one in which every effort is already a small victory.
By developing this kind observation, you will be better equipped to support your child. You will be able to help them transform their "I can't do it" into "I can't do it yet ," a nuance that is at the heart of the definition of a growth mindset .
Integrating the growth mindset into your conversations
Recognizing the signs of a fixed mindset is one thing. Taking action is another. But how do you do it? The answer is much simpler than you might think: it all comes down to everyday conversations. Yes, those small, everyday exchanges that, taken together, shape your child's worldview.
The secret is the power of words. A single word can slam a door in your child's face, or conversely, open an infinite number of others. Your role is to become a language architect, carefully choosing words that build confidence and encourage perseverance. The idea isn't to lecture, but to turn every dialogue into an opportunity to plant the seeds of a growth mindset.
The magic of "how" rather than "what"
Almost all of us have the same reflex: to congratulate the result. "Well done, you got 20/20, you're so smart!" or "What a beautiful drawing, you're a real artist!" It's all well-intentioned, of course. Yet, these compliments unwittingly reinforce a fixed mentality. They imply that success depends on a gift, on something innate ("being smart," "being an artist").
To cultivate a growth mindset , the change is subtle, but it makes all the difference: praise the process, not just the outcome. Highlight the effort, the strategies used, the perseverance, everything he learned along the way.
The biggest shift is shifting from praising the person ("You are...") to praising the process ("I saw that you have..."). This small nuance teaches your child that it is their actions that lead to success.
Let's see how to transform your compliments:
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Instead of saying, “You’re so good at math!”
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Instead, try: "I saw how you tried several methods to solve this problem—that's great! Your persistence really paid off."
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Instead of saying, "It's easy for you."
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Instead, try: “I see you’ve been practicing a lot, and look at the progress you’ve made!”
This approach has a huge impact. It shows your child that what matters is not being "good" or "bad," but being involved and looking for solutions.
Examples of dialogues for each situation
Theory is all well and good, but practice is even better. Here are some concrete examples to inspire you, whether you're facing success, failure, or a moment of doubt.
After a great success
When your child succeeds, it's the perfect time to ingrain good habits.
- Your child: “I got the best grade in the class in history!”
- Your response (fixed mindset): “Great! You’re the best!”
- Your response (growth mindset): “Wow, that’s great news! Tell me, how did you study? Your method worked really well.”
With this answer, you open a discussion about the strategies that led to success. And you show him that this success can be replicated.
When faced with failure or frustration
It's in difficult times that the growth mindset is most valuable. Your role then is to turn disappointment into a lesson.
- Your child: “I’ll never be able to do it, it’s way too difficult!”
- Your response (fixed mindset): “Don’t worry, you might not be cut out for this.”
- Your response (growth mindset): “I understand that you’re frustrated. You’re not getting there yet . What if we try something different? Maybe we could ask for help or look at the problem from a different perspective.”
That little word, " encore ," is a true magic tool. It transforms a dead end into a path that simply remains to be traveled.
Lead by example by talking about your own challenges
Children learn as much from what they see as from what they hear. How you talk about your own struggles is a live lesson in growth mindset . Don't be afraid to share your moments of doubt and your learnings.
Instead of hiding your efforts, showcase them. For example, if you try a new recipe and it's a failure, say so with a smile: "Well, my first attempt at lasagna wasn't a great success! But I realized my mistake: I didn't add enough sauce. Next time, they'll be perfect!"
By doing this, you create a family culture where mistakes are downplayed and hard work is celebrated. This is an essential value for everyone, young and old. It's an increasingly shared principle, including in the education system. Many teachers see promoting a growth mindset as a key strategy for motivating their students. You can learn more about these teaching approaches to see just how central this vision has become.
By incorporating these small adjustments into your conversations, you're doing more than just teaching them a "technique." You're giving your child a new way of seeing the world: a world full of possibilities, where every challenge is a new adventure.
Using a Journal to Bring Your Progress to Life
Talking about growth mindset is great. But how do you make it concrete and even fun for a child? One of the best tips is to make their progress visible. And for that, there's nothing like a growth journal.
Forget the image of a homework book. We're talking about a personal space, a secret garden where your child can tell their story. It's the place where they'll transform their efforts into tangible memories and, above all, become aware of how far they've come.
This simple exercise helps him see that his efforts are paying off, even when progress seems slow. This is how you build strong self-confidence, brick by brick, based on evidence he's created himself.
How to create a growth journal that inspires?
The secret is to turn this journal into a fun little ritual, not another chore. A simple notebook or even a few sheets of paper will do the trick. The important thing is that your child makes it their own: that they decorate it, personalize it, and want to fill it.
Why not give it a catchy name? "My Explorations Notebook," "My Super-Challenges Journal"... Let your imagination do the rest! The idea is to create a tool that celebrates the journey, not just the final destination.
A growth journal is about turning hard work into an exciting story. Every page turned becomes proof that your child is capable of learning, adjusting, and growing, even in the face of challenges.
To make it even more motivating, mix it up! The goal isn't to write novels, but to capture the small and large learnings in a creative way.
Here are some ideas for organizing it:
- One challenge per page: Whether it's learning to ride a bike, understanding a math exercise, or making a new friend at school.
- A “before/after” drawing: He can draw how he felt before starting (a little worried, super excited?) and just after succeeding (proud, relieved).
- The Strategy Box: A section where he can list or scribble down all the tricks he's tried to overcome an obstacle. "I tried it like this, it didn't work, so I did it another way..."
The right questions to guide your child
Your role is to be a caring guide. Ask open-ended questions that encourage reflection, without ever judging. The important thing is to always emphasize the process and the lessons learned, whether the outcome is a success or not.
These questions help him put words to his perseverance and creativity.
Some examples to get the discussion started:
- What's the hardest thing you've tried this week?
- What new things did this mistake teach you?
- Draw me the face you made when you finally got that complicated thing right!
- What new strategy did you invent today?
- If you had to give advice to a friend who is going through the same thing, what would you say?
By taking the time to fill out this journal, even just a few minutes a week, you're embedding a powerful idea: effort is awesome, and mistakes are our best learning allies . Your child becomes the hero of their own growth story, a skill that will carry them through life. Tools like the My Book Story journal are designed to support this ritual, guiding children through creative activities focused on confidence and emotional intelligence.
Overcoming Obstacles as a Parent
Adopting a growth mindset as a family is a bit like a marathon. It's not a sprint. As a parent, your journey will likely be fraught with challenges, doubts, and sometimes, a sense of exhaustion. And that's completely normal. Changing long-standing habits, whether for you or your child, takes time and a healthy dose of patience.
This path is also a learning experience for you. It will require you to juggle your desire to protect your child with the need to let them explore, even if it means making mistakes. But it is precisely by overcoming these obstacles that you will become the best example of growth mindset for them.
The reflex of wanting to protect from failure
Seeing your child struggling is one of the hardest things for a parent. Our first instinct? It's often to rush in to help them, suggest solutions, or even do it for them to avoid frustration. It's well-intentioned, of course. But without meaning to, we can send the message that they can't cope on their own.
Letting go is a real challenge. It's about finding the right balance between support and autonomy, keeping in mind that every little difficulty is a golden opportunity for your brain to create new connections.
Managing frustration (yours and yours)
When your child is frustrated, the atmosphere at home can quickly become tense. Managing their tears or anger while remaining calm can sometimes be a challenge. Yet, it's in these moments that the growth mindset really comes into its own.
Your role isn't to eliminate their frustration, but to teach them how to work through it. By validating their emotions ("I can see this is difficult for you"), you give them the space to then seek solutions.
This constant effort to maintain a positive climate can be demanding. An IFOP barometer reveals that only 38% of French people consider their mental health to be "excellent" or "very good." This clearly shows that it is essential to cultivate strategies to be more resilient, for yourself and your children. For more details, you can consult the key figures on mental well-being .
What to do when it feels like nothing is changing?
There will be days when, despite your best efforts, you'll feel like you're back where you started. Your child is still comparing themselves to others, or you're falling back into the trap of praising the outcome rather than the effort. Be kind to yourself.
Here are some tips to help you stay on track:
- Celebrate small victories: Did he try a new strategy, even if it didn't work? That's a success in itself!
- Talk about your own struggles: Show him that you, too, are learning and adjusting. Simply say, "I had a hard time staying patient earlier. I'll try to do better next time."
- Get back to basics: The goal isn't perfection, it's progress. Every attempt is a step in the right direction.
By showing that you're also learning, you're offering them the most powerful role model. You're proving that the definition of a growth mindset isn't just a theory, but a way of life, with its ups and downs.
Questions Parents Often Ask About Growth Mindset
Now you're full of ideas for fostering a growth mindset in your home. But it's perfectly normal to still have a few questions. Here are clear answers to the most common questions to help you get started with confidence.
At what age should I start?
The basics can be introduced very early, as early as 4 or 5 years old , using simple words. The key idea at this age? Talk about the brain as a muscle that gets stronger every time you learn something new.
The key is not to use the term "growth mindset," but to value curiosity and effort . With 6-12 year olds, we can begin to discuss more openly how challenges make us grow and make us smarter.
My child has facilities everywhere, is this really useful for him?
Yes, and it's even crucial. A child who succeeds at everything without ever encountering an obstacle risks developing a fixed mentality, believing that their talents are innate. The first real difficulty could then completely destabilize them, and they could experience it as a terrible personal disappointment.
Never facing a challenge is taking a risk. Your child might end up believing that if something isn't easy right away, it's not even worth trying.
Give him challenges that push him just a little bit out of his comfort zone. Rather than praising him for his easy wins, celebrate his courage for trying something new. This is how he'll discover the true value of perseverance.
What should I do when my child tells me "I'm useless, I'll never succeed"?
It's a painful sentence to hear, but it's also a golden opportunity. The first thing to do is to acknowledge your emotion: "I can see that this is really hard for you and that it's making you angry."
Next, pull out your secret weapon: the “not yet.” Simply respond, “You can’t do it yet .” That tiny word changes the game completely.
Then help him see things from another perspective:
- Break down the problem: “What if we just try this tiny bit to start?”
- Try another approach: “Maybe we could try doing things differently?”
Your goal is to transform this feeling of definitive failure into a simple step on the path to learning.
Adopting a growth mindset is a wonderful adventure to experience as a family. To help you achieve this goal every day, the My Book Story notebook offers guided and creative activities to help your child build confidence, resilience, and curiosity. Discover how to make every day a new opportunity to grow on the My Book Story website .