Helping your child build self-esteem is a bit like giving them an inner compass that will guide them throughout their lives. It's not something that's innate, but rather a confidence that's cultivated day after day, through family rituals, games, and caring discussions.
Self-esteem, an essential skill for growing up well
Between the ages of 6 and 12 , your child's world is expanding rapidly. School, friends, first assessments... all of this can shake up their self-image. It's at this key age that the foundations of their confidence are solidified or, on the contrary, cracked.
A child with good self-esteem is not a child who achieves everything, but a child who knows that he or she has value, regardless of his or her successes or failures.
This guide is designed as a toolbox for you, parents. It is filled with fun and practical exercises that can be easily integrated into your daily family life. The idea is not to aim for performance, but to seize every opportunity to make your child feel understood, valued, and proud of who they are.
How everyday life becomes a playground for trust
Self-esteem thrives on the little things. An encouraging word after an effort, a shared game, a small victory celebrated as a family... these are the things that count. The activities we'll explore together are designed to:
- Highlight effort, not just results. Your child will learn that what matters is that they tried and pushed themselves.
- Help them identify their own strengths. Often, children struggle to name their strengths. These games will give them the words to do so.
- Create a family cocoon where he feels safe. A place where he knows he can say anything, without fear of being judged, and where he is loved for who he is.
As a parent, your role is immense, but you don't need to be an expert! Your presence and kindness are enough. You'll see, the little rituals and games you'll discover are fantastic levers to help your child thrive. And the icing on the cake is that these precious moments will also strengthen your family bonds. So, are you ready to get started?
Understanding Self-Esteem Challenges in Elementary School
Elementary school is a pivotal stage. It's a mini-society with its own rules, successes, and failures. For a child, it's a constant learning ground, not just for math or French, but also for self-confidence.
Between grades, friendships made and broken in the playground, and the pressure to "do well," your child is constantly confronted with the gaze of others. These experiences, even the most mundane, can leave their mark.
If you see your child withdrawing, avoiding challenges, or becoming very anxious before an assessment, these aren't just tantrums. They're often the first signs that their self-esteem is being tested.
What really happens behind everyday situations
Let's take some concrete examples that all parents know:
- When faced with a bad grade: The most important thing isn't the grade itself, but how your child interprets it. Will they say, "I didn't understand that exercise well," or worse, "I'm terrible"? Your reaction is crucial in helping them sort things out.
- Fights with friends: Feeling rejected or left out can lead him to believe he's unlovable or not a good friend. This is an opportunity to talk with him about friendship and the value he has, independent of others.
- Fear of making mistakes in public: Raising your hand in class or speaking in front of everyone can become a real mountain to climb if you are afraid of being judged or mocked.
Interestingly, self-esteem doesn't develop the same way for everyone. A French study revealed a surprising detail: while girls have higher self-esteem when they reach first grade, the situation is completely reversed by the end of primary school. By fifth grade, 62% of boys say they are very happy with themselves, compared to only 57% of girls . To dig deeper, you can take a look at the study's findings on self-esteem in primary school.
Your role isn't to shield him from difficulties; that would be impossible. Rather, the idea is to give him the right tools to learn how to overcome them. That's resilience.
By understanding what's going on in his head, you'll be better equipped to help him. Your goal is to help him build a strong, positive self-image that can withstand the small and large storms of school life.
Make room for creativity to grow your confidence
The best self-esteem exercises are often the ones that don't feel like exercises. When you're having fun, you forget the pressure and let loose! Creative activities are perfect for this. They give your child a space of their own to explore their personality, savor their successes, and recognize their strengths—all without even thinking about it.
The goal isn't to create a masterpiece. The idea is to give him crayons, glue, or words to express what he has inside and slowly build a positive image of himself. It's by creating and having fun that he anchors deep within himself this all-important feeling: "I am capable and I am unique."
Creativity is a powerful gateway to self-expression. It allows children to give shape to their thoughts and emotions, giving them a real sense of control and pride.
Here are two simple and really effective activities to try as a family to help them feel stronger.
Make a “pride box”
The concept is simple: take a simple shoebox and have fun decorating it together. It will become their personal vault, a treasure trove filled with their own accomplishments.
Whenever he's proud of something, he can write or draw that moment on a small piece of paper and slip it into the box. Absolutely everything counts, there's no small victory!
- Examples for your child: Solving a difficult puzzle, daring to ask a question in class, helping their little brother or sister, finally learning to ride a bike without training wheels, or even finishing a drawing that was close to their heart.
- As a parent, get involved too! Include your own proud moments, such as "proud to have taken 5 minutes to read with you" or "proud to have successfully mastered a new recipe." This normalizes the exercise and strengthens bonds.
Parental advice: On days when he's feeling down or unsure of himself, suggest he open his box. It's a great way to do it. Revisiting all these little successes together is a very concrete reminder of everything he's already accomplished. It's a real confidence booster!
The Chinese portrait of my superpowers
This writing exercise is a fun, roundabout way to help your child see their own strengths. Asking them straight out, "What are your strengths?" can be very intimidating for a child. So, let's play instead!
The idea is to ask him some slightly offbeat questions:
- If you were an animal, which one would you be? Why? (Perhaps brave like a lion, or agile like a cat!)
- If you were a color? (Which one and how does it make you feel?)
- And if you had a superpower, what would it be? (The power to fly, to make people happy, or to make candy appear?)
Take the time to discuss their answers. This game helps them associate positive images with who they are and put their strengths into words, even without them realizing it.
Establish family rituals to value each child
Family routines are more than just habits. They're the foundation upon which your child's sense of security and belonging is built. It's these small moments, repeated day after day, that send a clear and powerful message: "You matter to us."
Rather than grand speeches, it's these everyday gestures that build lasting trust. It's not about revolutionizing your schedule, but rather about injecting a little more intention and attentiveness into moments you already share. The idea is to create spaces where your child truly feels seen, heard, and appreciated for who they are.
Positive affirmations, for example, are a great tool to slip into these moments.
This image illustrates how simple words can help a child build a positive self-image. It's a reminder that the words we choose, for them and for us, shape their inner dialogue and their self-confidence.
Create moments of sharing that reflect you
For a ritual to work, it needs to be simple and enjoyable. If it becomes a chore, it loses all its appeal. The best thing to do is pick one or two ideas that resonate with your family and stick to them, without pressure.
The key is not the duration, but the regularity. Five minutes of authentic connection every day has a much greater impact than an hour of forced conversation once a month.
Here are some ideas to get started, rituals that are very easy to integrate:
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The "suns" of the day. It's a classic, but it works every time! At dinner or bedtime, everyone shares a small positive thing from their day. It could be a small detail: a laugh at recess, a conversation with a friend, a song heard on the radio... It's an excellent exercise for learning to see the beauty in everyday life.
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The gratitude jar. Similar to the pride box, this jar collects the family's "thanks." Each day, a member can slip a little note into it: "Thank you to Mom for the delicious meal," "Thank you to my brother for lending me his game." This fosters gratitude and a sense of being appreciated.
These self-esteem exercises , disguised as family rituals, allow your child to recognize their own worth and see life with more optimism. These are the small building blocks that, when put together, build solid confidence.
Comparing family rituals for self-esteem
This chart helps you choose the type of ritual best suited to your family by comparing the involvement, frequency, and specific benefits of different approaches.
| Type of ritual | Frequency | Involvement (time) | Main benefit for the child |
|---|---|---|---|
| Tour of the "suns" | Daily | Very low (5-10 min) | Develop optimism and gratitude on a daily basis. |
| Jar of Gratitude | Flexible (as needed) | Very low (< 5 min) | Helps to recognize the contribution of others and to feel useful. |
| Board game night | Weekly | Medium (30-60 min) | Learn to manage victory and defeat in a safe environment. |
| Parent-child "date" | Monthly | High (1-2 hours) | Feels unique, important and worthy of exclusive attention. |
Every family is different, and the best ritual will be one you enjoy sharing together, even if it's only for a few minutes a day. The important thing is to start.
Approaching grades without undermining your confidence
Ah, the report card... This time of the school year can quickly become a source of stress, both for us, the parents, and for our children. The real challenge is to make this discussion a constructive one. How can we prevent our child from interpreting a bad grade as a fatalistic "I'm useless"?
The secret is to always differentiate between your worth as a person and your academic performance. A grade is just a snapshot, a photo of your performance at a specific moment. It says nothing about your intelligence, creativity, or kindness. This is one of the pillars of all self-esteem exercises .
Focus on effort rather than grade
Even before looking at the final result, take an interest in the journey they've taken. Ask questions that show that what matters to you is their experience, not just the number on the copy.
- "Did you find this test difficult? What caused you the most problems?"
- "I know you spent time on this lesson. How did you feel during the assessment?"
- “Show me what you’ve done well, I’m sure there are things you can be proud of.”
This approach changes everything. You are no longer in the role of judge, but rather that of an ally seeking to understand and help.
The way we talk about grades directly influences our child's inner voice. By valuing effort and perseverance, we teach them that failure isn't an end in itself, but simply an opportunity to learn how to do things differently next time.
Confidence in one's abilities at school is a big part of self-esteem, but it's often fragile. Did you know that in France, only 64.3% of high school students feel truly confident in their overall abilities? This is one more reason to nurture this feeling from a young age. If you're interested in the topic, you can check out the figures on student confidence in France.
When faced with disappointment, the idea is to look for solutions together. "Okay, this time it didn't work out the way we wanted. What could we try differently next time? Maybe review the lesson by drawing a diagram, or try explaining it out loud to me?" By doing this, we give them back control of the situation and nurture their sense of competence.
Do you have questions? We'll answer them.
It's perfectly normal to have questions as you embark on these self-esteem exercises with your child. Here are some insights to guide and reassure you in this wonderful parenting process.
At what age should I start?
You can start the adventure from the age of 6. At this age, a child is perfectly capable of understanding and participating in simple activities like the "pride box" or the "tour of the suns of the day". The main thing is to adapt the game to their level of development.
For younger children, between 6 and 8 years old , focus on drawing and oral rituals. For older children, between 9 and 12 years old , writing exercises such as the Chinese portrait or a small gratitude journal will often be more engaging. The golden rule? Start early, but always gently and without pressure.
What if my child refuses to play the game?
Above all, never force him. Refusal is rarely a whim. It's more a sign that he doesn't feel quite ready, that he's tired, or that he simply needs to see you do it first. If an activity doesn't appeal to him, put it aside for now. You can always offer it again later, or try something completely different.
Parent tip: Go for it yourself! Share your own "sunshine" story at dinner. Your enthusiasm and participation are the best invitation. It turns the exercise into a family game rather than a "homework" for the child.
How do you know if it really works?
Self-esteem is a marathon, not a sprint. The results won't be spectacular overnight, but the positive signs are real, even if they're subtle at first.
You may notice that:
- Your child dares to speak more easily within the family.
- He handles a little frustration better without breaking down.
- He can spontaneously name one of his qualities or something he is proud of.
- He himself has just told you about his little successes.
Each of these small changes is a huge victory. Trust the process and the magic of these moments shared as a family.
To help you on this journey, the My Book Story notebook is a great tool. Through creative and fun activities, it helps your child learn more about themselves, learn to control their emotions, and build their confidence, one day at a time. Check it out here .