Mindset is simply how your child perceives themselves and their abilities. This perception has a direct impact on their self-confidence and ability to persevere in the face of challenges.
A good mindset , for example, means seeing a challenge as an opportunity to learn something new, rather than as an insurmountable wall. It's the secret engine that drives him to grow and flourish, a pillar of his emotional well-being.
The key to building your child's confidence and well-being
Think of your child's mindset as a pair of glasses through which they view the world. These glasses can show them that their talents are set in stone, or conversely, reveal that they can develop them with effort and practice. As a parent, understanding this vision is an incredibly powerful tool to help them become more resilient and confident.
Think of a slightly complicated puzzle. One child might quickly think, "I'm terrible at this; this is too hard for me." Another, with a growth mindset, might think, "This is a real puzzle! I'll try another method to see." This small difference in perspective makes all the difference.
Why is this so important for 6-12 year olds?
Encouraging a positive outlook on learning from an early age is a gift that will last a lifetime. Children who believe they can improve are naturally more likely to:
- Approach challenges with curiosity and enthusiasm.
- Consider mistakes as normal steps in learning.
- Find real pleasure in discovering, creating and understanding.
This positive approach always pays off. In fact, the Youth Barometer reveals that 74% of 15-30 year-olds say they are satisfied with their lives , which clearly shows that an optimistic mindset, cultivated since childhood, is a solid foundation for the future. If you are interested in the subject, you can consult the results of this study on youth optimism .
Understanding the Two Mindsets in Children
Do you sometimes wonder why your child persists on a puzzle while another gives up at the first difficulty? It often comes down to their mindset. There are two main ways of looking at things: the fixed mindset and the growth mindset.
Every child navigates between these two poles, but one usually takes over.
Think of the fixed mindset as a tightly closed box. For a child, it means they believe their intelligence and talents are set in stone. They can't change that. This leads to thoughts like, "I'm bad at math" or "Drawing isn't for me."
With this view, every challenge becomes a test of whether you're "good enough." The fear of failure then becomes paralyzing. After all, if you fail, it's because you simply don't have what it takes.
This image illustrates well how everything starts from a simple belief that sends us on two completely different paths.
We can clearly see how an initial idea influences our entire approach to effort and obstacles.
The Growth Mindset: A Garden to Cultivate
Conversely, think of the growth mindset as a garden. The child who cultivates it knows that their abilities can grow with hard work, good strategies, and a little help. Mistakes are no longer disasters, but rather seeds that, once planted, help them learn and flourish.
A child with this mindset won't say, "I can't do it," but rather, "I can't do it... yet ." This simple addition changes everything.
To make it more meaningful, let's see how these two mentalities react in concrete everyday situations.
The table below highlights typical child reactions to a challenge, depending on whether their mindset is fixed or growth.
Fixed Mindset vs. Growth Mindset: Child Reactions
| Situation | Fixed Mindset Reaction | Growth Mindset Reaction |
|---|---|---|
| Receive a bad grade | "I'm really bad, I'll never make it." | “I will look at my mistakes to understand and do better next time.” |
| Facing a difficult problem | “It’s too hard, I give up.” | “This problem is difficult, I will try another method to solve it.” |
Spotting these little phrases in your child is the first step in helping them cultivate a thriving mental garden, where every effort is a new seed planted.
The Impact of Your Words on Your Child's Mindset
As parents, we have immense power—the power of words. Even with the best intentions, a simple sentence can shape how our child perceives themselves and their own abilities.
A compliment that seems trivial to us can, without us realizing it, encourage a very rigid vision of our potential.
Let's take a classic example: "You're so smart!" after an excellent grade. By saying this, we directly associate our success with a talent, with something innate. The risk? That the child will come to think that future failure simply means that they are "not so smart after all." This opens the door to performance anxiety.
The goal, of course, isn't to stop giving compliments! Rather, it's about reframing them to highlight what really matters: the journey, not just the outcome.
Focus on actions rather than identity
The key is simple: value what your child can control. They don't control their "intelligence level," but they do control their efforts , their focus , and the strategies they use.
By focusing on this, you give him the tools to understand how he succeeded, and therefore how he can succeed again. His self-confidence is then built on solid, concrete ground. That's what it means to instill a growth mindset : to help him understand that success is a process, not a fixed destination.
Here are some ideas for transforming your everyday words:
-
Rather than: “What a beautiful drawing, you are a real artist!”
- Try this: “I love the colors you used! Tell me how you came up with this great idea.”
-
Rather than: “You got 20/20 , you’re a math genius!”
- Try this: "Well done! All that work really paid off. I saw how hard you worked to study, you should be proud of yourself."
-
Rather than: “It was easy for you, you’re good at it.”
- Try this: “I saw you came up with a new way to solve that problem—that was really clever!”
This small adjustment in language changes everything. You're no longer labeling your child ("artist," "genius"). Instead, you're highlighting their actions, their choices, their efforts.
By valuing effort, perseverance, and strategies, you teach him that his abilities can grow. You show him that he has the power to improve, all the time.
And what to do when faced with failure or difficulty?
This approach is even more powerful when things get tough. Imagine your child, discouraged, saying, "I'm useless!" Our first instinct is often to respond, "No, you're very smart." However, this risks invalidating what they're feeling at the time.
Instead, try validating their emotion, then bringing them back to the process: “I can see this is difficult and you’re frustrated. What could we try differently? What if we looked for another avenue together?”
Your words then become a powerful tool for developing resilience. He learns that an obstacle is not a wall, but simply an invitation to seek another path.
Concrete examples to apply the growth mindset in everyday life
Theory is great. But the real magic happens in the real world. By transforming small everyday challenges into learning opportunities, you'll help your child build a strong, lasting growth mindset.
No need for grand speeches. Homework, a construction set gone wrong, or a new activity that's a bit scary... everything is an excuse to learn. Let's see how to turn these moments into life lessons, with a model mindset for each situation.
Scenario 1: The famous bad grade
Your child comes home from school, disappointed, with a bad grade in hand. The axe falls: "I'm useless, I'll never succeed."
How can we react to transform this difficult moment?
- Welcome their emotion, without judgment. “I see you’re disappointed, and I understand. It’s completely normal to feel that way after you’ve worked.”
- Redefine the "problem." "This grade doesn't mean you're bad. It just shows us what you haven't quite figured out yet. It's like a map showing us where we need to focus our efforts."
- Suggest a collaboration. “What if we looked at this exercise together? Tell me, what did you find most complicated? Maybe we can find another way to explain it.”
With this approach, a grade is no longer an end in itself, but the starting point of a new strategy.
Scenario 2: The collapsing LEGO tower
He's been working on his LEGO tower, but it keeps falling over again and again. Frustration is mounting, and he's on the verge of throwing everything away.
It is precisely in these moments of frustration that patience and perseverance are forged. The idea is to show him that effort and the ability to adapt count for much more than immediate success.
Here's how to accompany it:
- Validate their effort first. “Wow, I see all the energy you’re putting into this build. It’s a super ambitious project!”
- Take the drama out of failure. “It’s true that it’s frustrating when things don’t work out the way you want them to. It happens all the time, even to the greatest LEGO experts!”
- Open up the possibilities. “What if we tried it with a wider base to make it more solid? Or maybe a little break would give us some new ideas. What do you think?”
You're not doing it for them; you're giving them the tools to think differently. It's a skill that will serve them throughout their lives. Moreover, this way of seeking solutions to challenges echoes a broader desire for change in society, as shown by some data on aspirations for change in France.
Scenario 3: Fear of the new
A new sport, a drawing class... The deadline is approaching and your child confides in you: "I'll never succeed, the others will be much better than me."
Your mission: to help him change his perspective, moving from performance to discovery.
- Refocus on learning and having fun. “The goal isn’t to be the best from day one, but to have fun and discover something new. No one is born an expert, you know!”
- Recall his past successes. “Remember when you learned to ride a bike? At first, it seemed impossible, and then, after trying, you succeeded. It will be the same, you’ll see.”
Through these examples, you see how your everyday reactions can, little by little, weave the web of a growth mindset. You show him concretely that skills are built and that each challenge is, in reality, an opportunity to grow.
Create Family Rituals for a Positive Mindset
For this growth mindset to take root in your child, it must be part of family life. By incorporating it into shared moments, through even simple rituals, it will become second nature.
The goal is to create habits where effort and learning are celebrated, rather than focusing solely on the outcome. This is a great way to show your child that everyone, including parents, is constantly learning.
The Pride Jar
Why not try the "pride jar" ? It's simple: take a large, clear jar and place it somewhere everyone can see it, like the kitchen.
Every time a family member is proud of their perseverance—a child who doesn't give up on a difficult puzzle, a parent who perseveres to succeed at a new recipe—we write this small success on a piece of paper and slip it into the jar.
The important thing is not so much the end result as the journey taken. A paper might say, "I kept trying to tie my shoelaces, even though it was hard," or "Dad managed to assemble the furniture without getting upset."
Once a week, for example on Sunday evening, get together to read the little pieces of paper aloud. It's a powerful moment that allows you to appreciate the effort and understand that true victory is having tried.
The “I learned from my mistakes” meal
Another nice ritual to put in place: the “learning meal” . Once a week, at the table, everyone tells about a small mistake they made and, above all, what they learned from it.
The benefits are multiple:
- It takes the drama out of failure. Mistakes are no longer a catastrophe, but a simple step in learning.
- It builds trust. Talking about your failures in a supportive environment brings the family closer together.
- You set an example. When parents share their mistakes, they show that no one is perfect and that it's completely normal.
By adopting these small habits, you create a family cocoon where your child will feel safe to dare, try, and make mistakes. It's the perfect breeding ground for a growth mindset.
Your questions about your child's state of mind
As a parent, we inevitably ask ourselves questions about the best way to help our child develop a growth mindset. This is completely normal! Here are some concrete tips and answers to support you in your daily life.
My child often says “I’m useless,” how can I help him?
When someone says this, their first instinct is to acknowledge the emotion without judging it. You might say something like, "I can see you're really frustrated right now, and I understand." The idea is to show them that you hear what they're feeling.
Then you can help them see things differently by gently guiding them back to a growth mindset. A good example of a mindset to offer them would be: “Learning something new takes time. Remember when you learned to ride a bike? It wasn’t easy at first, but you kept trying. Well, it’s the same here, you can’t do it… yet .” This simple word transforms a fixed view (“I’m useless”) into an evolving process (“I’m learning”).
How can we encourage effort without pushing it to exhaustion?
Finding the right balance is an art! Highlighting effort is, above all, about celebrating perseverance, the strategies it tries, and the joy of learning. The goal isn't performance at all costs.
Stay alert for signs of fatigue or stress. A healthy growth mindset also means knowing it's okay to take a break, ask for help, or change your approach. What you're trying to do is build resilience and autonomy , not overload it with pressure.
Is it too late to encourage a growth mindset in my teen?
Absolutely not, it's never too late! The brain retains its ability to adapt throughout life. You can even explain this concept very simply: every time he tackles something difficult, his brain creates new connections, it literally strengthens itself.
But the most powerful thing is to be a role model yourself. Talk openly about your own challenges, the efforts you make to overcome them, and what you learn from your mistakes. Your consistency and patience will be your greatest assets.
The My Book Story notebook is the perfect companion for putting these ideas into play. It helps your child build confidence, explore emotions, and develop creativity. Discover how they can turn small challenges into big victories on the My Book Story website .