What is emotional intelligence (or EQ)? Think of it as an inner compass you're giving your child. It's the tool that will help them navigate the great ocean of life, with its waves of joy, storms of anger, and currents of sadness. Emotional intelligence for kids is the ability to recognize, understand, and use emotions in a positive way to grow.
Rather than seeing emotions as enemies to be fought, your child learns to listen to them. This is the skill that allows them to say "I'm sad" instead of sulking, or "That makes me angry" instead of stamping their feet. Developing their EQ gives them the keys to their own well-being and harmonious relationships with others.
Concretely, emotional intelligence is based on several pillars. Each represents an essential skill that your child can develop with your help.
The Pillars of Emotional Intelligence in Children
This table summarizes the key skills that parents can help their child develop for a better EQ.
| Pillar of QE for children | What this means for your child (6-12 years) |
|---|---|
| Self-awareness | Your child learns to name their feelings. They might say, "I'm proud of my drawing," or "I'm scared before my presentation." |
| Self-control (regulation) | Instead of getting overwhelmed, your child learns to manage their reactions. They can take a deep breath when frustrated, instead of yelling. |
| Empathy | He begins to understand how others feel. He notices when a friend is sad and can ask him what's wrong. |
| Relationship management | Your child uses their skills to interact better. They know how to collaborate, resolve a minor conflict, or simply comfort a friend. |
By helping your child build these pillars, you're not just teaching them how to be "good." You're giving them tools they'll use throughout their lives to build healthy relationships, make good decisions, and simply feel good about themselves and develop self-confidence.
Helping your child recognize and name their emotions
For a child to develop emotional intelligence, the very first step is to help them put their feelings into words. It's a bit like learning the alphabet of emotions. Before they can manage their anger, they need to know what "anger" is.
Far from being a formal lesson, this learning should resemble an exploration, conducted with curiosity and kindness. The idea is to help your child build their own emotional dictionary. The more words they have to describe what's going on inside them, the better they'll be able to understand their inner world and express it in a healthy way.
Turning learning into play
When it comes to addressing emotions with children, there's nothing like play. By incorporating this discovery into fun moments, you create a safe space. Your child will then feel free to explore and share what they're experiencing, without fear of being judged.
Here are some practical tips to get you started:
- The Wheel of Emotions: Draw a circle divided into sections. In each section, draw a face with an emotion (joy, sadness, anger, surprise, etc.) and write the word. Each day, you can ask your child to point to their inner weather. It's a simple and effective family ritual.
- The Feelings Detective: When you're reading a story or watching a movie, pause and ask, "How do you think the character is feeling? What makes you think that?" This is a great way to teach children about emotions , including other people's emotions.
- Mime emotions: Take turns miming an emotion and having the other person guess it. This is a fun way to become aware of the physical sensations that accompany each feeling.
The most important thing in all of this? Validate each emotion. There are no "good" or "bad" emotions. They all have their reason for being.
A child who learns that their anger is legitimate, even if the resulting behavior isn't always, builds a solid foundation for emotional security. They understand that they have the right to feel what they feel, and this is the basis of self-esteem.
Validate to open the dialog
Once your child begins to identify their feelings, the next step is to encourage them to talk about them. Your role is that of a caring guide. To do this, focus on open-ended sentences that invite discussion.
For example, instead of asking, "Why are you angry?" try:
- "I see you're frowning. I get the impression you're angry. Is that right?"
- "Your face looks very sad. Do you want to tell me what happened?"
- “Wow, you’re jumping around! Tell me what makes you so happy!”
This approach shows your child that you're attentive to their experiences and willing to listen without judgment. This ability is crucial, in fact. Studies have even shown a link between students' academic performance and their emotional understanding, starting in kindergarten. This demonstrates the extent to which children's academic skills and EQ are linked. If you're interested in the topic, you can check out the results of this research on the link between emotions and learning.
By incorporating these simple habits into your daily life, you are giving your child a precious gift: the ability to understand themselves. This is the first essential step toward emotional independence and more harmonious relationships.
Nurturing Empathy and Self-Awareness
To develop true emotional intelligence , a child must master two key skills: self-awareness and empathy. Before your child can understand how a friend feels, they must first learn to listen to what is happening inside them.
Self-awareness is that little inner voice that lets you say, "Hey, my heart is racing, I must be excited," or "I have a knot in my stomach, maybe I'm a little worried." That's where it all starts.
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes and imagine what they're feeling. It stems from self-awareness. A child who can identify their own sadness will be more likely to recognize it in a friend and offer them a gesture of comfort.
Helping your child connect with themselves
Cultivating self-awareness isn't complicated. It's not about big lessons, but rather small family rituals that encourage introspection.
Here are some concrete ways to support it:
- Bedtime Questions: At bedtime, instead of the classic "How was school?" ask more open-ended questions. For example: "What was the best part of your day?" or "Was there a time when you felt a little frustrated or sad?"
- The Emotion Thermometer: Help him assess the intensity of his feelings. “On a scale of 1 to 10, how angry were you?” This gives him a simple tool to better understand his emotions.
- Body language: Encourage them to pay attention to physical cues. “When you’re angry, where do you feel it in your body?” This helps them understand that emotions aren’t just in the head.
These little moments of pause are precious. They allow your child to build a relationship of trust with their own feelings, a pillar of personal growth.
Developing the Empathy Muscle
Empathy is like a muscle: the more you use it, the stronger it becomes. To effectively teach children about emotions, you need to help them look beyond themselves.
Learning empathy isn't just about saying "be nice." It's about giving children the keys to understanding why kindness is important by connecting with what others are experiencing.
Here's how to turn everyday life into lessons in empathy:
- Observation in the park: While sitting on a bench, play at people watching. "Look at this man, what do you think he's feeling?" This is a fun way to get him used to decoding nonverbal language.
- Heroes of the stories: Whether in a book or a movie, discuss the characters. "Why do you think the villain is so bad? What could have happened to him?" This develops their ability to analyze the motivations of others.
- Role play: If he's had a minor conflict, suggest reversing roles. "Let's pretend you were your friend. How would you have felt?" This exercise helps him see the situation from a different perspective.
By incorporating these small habits, you will help him build bridges between his world and that of others, an essential skill for building strong relationships.
Learn emotional regulation (without ignoring emotions)
Once your child knows how to recognize their emotions, the next step is to teach them how to manage them. This is called emotional regulation . Be careful, managing your emotions doesn't mean suppressing them. It's more about learning to ride the wave without getting carried away.
Think of a strong emotion like a big wave. To ignore it is to turn your back on it: you risk being swept away. Emotional regulation is learning to pick up your surfboard and ride that wave until it becomes gentler again.
Helping your child develop this skill is crucial to their well-being. It will allow them to cope with frustration, anger, or anxiety without it turning into an uncontrollable meltdown.
Create a toolbox for calming down
Every child is unique. The goal is to help them create their own "toolbox" of strategies that help them return to calm. Experiment together to see what resonates with them most.
Here are some practical tips for parents:
- Flower Breathing: Ask them to imagine holding a flower and a candle. They breathe in through their nose to smell the flower, then gently blow out through their mouth onto the candle.
- Anger Drawing: When your child feels angry, give them a piece of paper. Encourage them to draw this anger, to give it a shape, a color. This is an excellent outlet for expressing emotion creatively.
- Quiet Corner: Set up a cozy corner in his room together, with cushions and books. This isn't a punishment, but a refuge he can go to on his own when he feels the pressure is mounting.
These simple tools help him regain control when emotions overflow.
Your example: the most powerful lesson
The most important lesson you can teach your child about emotional regulation is through example. Your child will observe and absorb how you handle your own stress or frustration.
If you scream when you're stressed, your child learns that screaming is a normal reaction. If, on the other hand, you verbalize your emotion calmly, you show him a more constructive path for his children's EQ .
Of course, this doesn't mean you have to be a perfect parent. On the contrary! It's healthy to show your own moments of vulnerability.
For example, you might say, "I'm frustrated, I can't seem to put this piece of furniture together. I'm going to take five minutes to drink a glass of water and calm down." By doing this, you're modeling healthy emotional management firsthand. It's an invaluable lesson for their personal development.
To help your child integrate all of this in a playful way, the My Book Story notebook can be a valuable ally. It offers daily emotional check-ins that encourage children to pause for a moment to identify their feelings. This simple reflective habit is a powerful exercise for strengthening self-awareness and self-regulation, transforming concepts into concrete skills.
Integrating emotional intelligence into your daily life
Knowing how to identify and manage emotions is great. But the real challenge is making it second nature for the whole family. The idea isn't to add another "chore" to your life, but rather to weave the development of your children's EQ into your daily routine.
By making emotional intelligence a reflex, an integral part of your family life, good practices become lifelong skills. It's simply a matter of creating small moments of connection that, when added together, build a solid foundation for your child's well-being and self-confidence.
Create an emotional ritual every night
Bedtime is often a magical time for confidences. It's the perfect time to establish a little family ritual of "inner weather." It's not an interrogation, but a truly warm moment of sharing that helps your child put into words what they've been feeling.
The goal is simple: to help him look at his day through the lens of emotions. This little ritual strengthens his self-awareness and, above all, shows him that all his emotions have the right to exist.
To get the conversation started, nothing beats gentle questions:
- “Tell me about the best part of your day.”
- “Was there a time when you felt a little sad or angry?”
- “If your day was a weather, would it be sunny, cloudy, or stormy?”
This simple ritual turns talking about emotions into a comforting habit. Your child learns that their feelings are important and that they can explore them safely with you, strengthening both your bond and their personal growth.
This daily practice is increasingly recognized. Did you know that many schools already include modules on emotional intelligence? If you want to know more about how emotional education is addressed in the French school system , resources exist to delve deeper into the subject.
Anchoring good intentions with a concrete tool
Talking about emotions is essential. But for this to truly take root, giving your child a tool to document their thoughts can make all the difference. This is where a guided journal becomes a valuable ally for your child's development.
The My Book Story notebook was designed for just that. It transforms the evening review into a creative and structured moment. Each day, it guides your child with simple but effective activities to grow their EQ:
- The emotional check-in: He identifies his mood of the day.
- The practice of gratitude: He is invited to note a small happiness of his day to cultivate a positive state of mind.
- Personal reflection: He thinks about what he needs to feel good and know himself better.
By using My Book Story as a ritual, you give your child their own space to explore their inner world. They learn to observe themselves with kindness and celebrate their small victories. More than just a notebook, it's a tool that transforms your advice into lasting reflexes and lays the foundation for strong and fulfilling emotional intelligence for kids .
The Impact of EQ on Your Child's Achievement and Well-Being
When we talk about emotional intelligence in children , we often think of quieter days at home. That's true, but it's much more. It's a springboard for their future success. The skills they develop, such as managing stress or understanding others, will have concrete effects throughout their journey, from school to adult life.
Consider a child with good emotional intelligence. When faced with an exam, instead of letting themselves be overwhelmed by anxiety, they will know how to use proper breathing to calm themselves. That's EQ for children in action.
From the classroom to the playground
The benefits are evident everywhere. Empathy is key to teamwork. An empathetic child listens, seeks compromise, and knows how to encourage others. These qualities are valuable for a group presentation, but also for defusing tensions on the playground.
Knowing how to turn disappointment into motivation is resilience. When faced with a bad grade, the child will no longer say to himself, "I'm useless," but, "Okay, what can I do better next time?"
This mindset, focused on personal growth, is one of the greatest gifts of emotional intelligence. In fact, the link between EQ and grades is well established. One study showed that five-year-olds who understood emotions well performed better in school later in life. This is proof that teaching children about emotions is an investment in their future. For more information, you can check out this research on emotional intelligence and academic success.
Building the Foundations for a Balanced Life
In short, supporting your child in developing their EQ is like giving them a set of keys for life. It's a long-term investment that provides them with:
- Better stress management: He is better prepared to face pressure.
- Richer social relationships: It creates stronger and healthier bonds.
- Greater resilience: He learns to bounce back after failure.
- Strong self-confidence: By understanding his inner world, he feels more confident.
All these skills form the foundation for a more serene, creative, and fulfilling adult life. You give him roots to grow well and wings to take flight.
Questions You Frequently Ask About Emotional Intelligence
As a parent, it's normal to have questions about emotional intelligence . We want the best for our children, and knowing how to guide them on that journey can sometimes seem complex.
Here are clear and concrete answers to the most frequently asked questions.
At what age can we start talking about emotions?
There's no age limit to starting! From the time they're very young, you can put simple words to what they're feeling: "It looks like you're happy!"
The period between the ages of 6 and 12 is then a golden age. This is the ideal time to teach children about emotions in a more structured way. They are able to understand not only what they feel, but also why, and to learn tips for managing it all. The important thing is to adapt the discussion to their maturity.
My child is very sensitive, is this a good thing?
Yes, absolutely! High sensitivity is often a sign of developed empathy, a pillar of EQ for children . The challenge is not to “toughen” it, but to give it the tools to ensure that this sensitivity does not become overwhelming. By learning to navigate their own emotions, your child will transform this sensitivity into a strength for their personal development.
How to react to a major tantrum?
The first thing to do is to stay calm yourself. Your calm is their anchor. Welcome their emotion without judgment: "I see you're very angry." Create a safe environment and let the storm pass.
Only once the pressure has subsided can you discuss it. Talk about what happened and brainstorm together how you might respond next time. See each crisis not as a failure, but as a learning opportunity within the family.
The key is your kind intention. There's no such thing as a perfect parent. It's a mistake to judge or minimize the emotion. As long as you give them space to express themselves and feel heard, you're on the right track.
Be patient with your child, but also with yourself. This is a journey you're on together.
To turn these tips into a fun daily ritual, check out the My Book Story notebook. It offers a simple and creative framework for your child to explore their emotions, practice gratitude, and build their confidence, page by page. Visit our site to make My Book Story your child's adventure companion .