Seeing your child doubt, fear failure, or feel small in the face of a challenge is a situation that all parents know and that can be heartbreaking. But far from being inevitable, these moments are actually a unique opportunity. A chance to help them build strong and lasting self-confidence, thanks to a method that is as gentle as it is fun: EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) .
Why Self-Confidence Is Such a Delicate Balance for a Child
Between the ages of 6 and 12, this is the age when everything happens. School, their first real friends, new activities... their world is expanding at breakneck speed. But this openness also comes with their first big fears: the fear of being judged, the pressure to do well, or simply a shyness that can become overwhelming. This is when the foundations of self-esteem are built, and they can easily be shaken.
It's not just a parent's impression. In France, the figures speak for themselves. A recent barometer revealed that while 74% of young people claim to have self-confidence , the reality is more complex: more than 80% end up giving up on their dreams, precisely because of a lack of self-confidence. A paradox that hits young girls and children from modest backgrounds even harder. For those who want to delve deeper into the subject, this study on young people's confidence details this phenomenon well.
How to turn "I'll never make it" into a springboard
When your child withdraws or says "I'm useless," it's not a sign of weakness. It's a cry. A need for reassurance, but above all, for tools to cope with their emotions. This is precisely where EFT comes in and can make all the difference.
Imagine having a simple and concrete tool at your disposal to help you:
- Putting words to your fears, without letting yourself get overwhelmed.
- Calm your little bike in your head before a presentation or a sports competition.
- Transform your negative thoughts into something more encouraging.
The idea isn't to magically make fear disappear. The goal is much more powerful: to teach your child that they have the resources within them to tame it. That's the secret to authentic, storm-proof self-confidence.
This guide is designed as a roadmap to help you integrate EFT into your daily family life. Step by step, we'll show you how these simple actions can transform moments of doubt into an opportunity for connection and comfort, strengthening both their trust and your bond.
Demystifying EFT for Your Child
Talking to your child about EFT for self-confidence can seem a little intimidating at first. But in reality, the principle is as simple as child's play. Present it as a secret superpower that you'll learn together.
Imagine saying, "Let's do some magical tapping on special points on your body, like calm buttons, while talking about what's bothering you." The idea is to send a message of calm to your body, even when a worrying thought pops up. You're showing your body that it can feel safe inside, no matter what's going on around you.
By combining a gentle physical gesture with the expression of emotion, we help the brain stop instinctively reacting with stress or fear. It's a way of short-circuiting the response of the amygdala, the small part of the brain that sounds the alarm as soon as it perceives a threat. Studies have even shown that this tapping lowers cortisol (the stress hormone) and creates a real feeling of calm.
Transforming small worries into great strength
The great thing about EFT is that your child becomes an actor in their own well-being. They're no longer simply enduring their fears; they're actually learning how to tame and transform them. This is a valuable learning experience that will help them build strong self-confidence for life.
The goal isn't necessarily to make fear disappear forever. The key is to show your child that they have a tool to make it smaller, less daunting. That's the key to making them feel stronger and more serene in their daily lives.
The image below perfectly illustrates this process. It shows how, little by little, this practice leads to growing self-confidence.
This image is the desired outcome: by calming their fears one by one, your child can truly achieve a state of confidence and inner calm that lasts.
Setting Up Your EFT Ritual: A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents
Starting an EFT confidence-building session with your child is much simpler than you might think. The secret is to see it as a moment of play and connection, not as a strict exercise.
To make this more meaningful, let's imagine a situation that many parents are familiar with: your child is anxious about reading aloud in front of the whole class.
1. Put words to the emotion
The first thing to do is help your child identify what they're feeling. Forget direct questions like, "Why are you scared?" Let's take it easy.
Parent tip: Try a creative, visual approach. “I feel like there’s a little monster tickling your tummy when you think about reading. What if we gave it a name? “The Gibberish Monster,” would that sound good?” Giving your emotion a shape immediately makes it less overwhelming.
Then, to have a starting point, assess the intensity of their fear together. "On a scale of 0 to 10, how strong is your monster right now?" This will serve as a benchmark to see how far they've come after the session.
2. Create the starting “magic phrase”
This is the heart of the practice. This sentence should both acknowledge the problem and remind your child of a positive truth about themselves. The structure is simple: “Even if [the problem], [a positive statement about myself].”
With our example, it would give something like:
"Even though I'm afraid my tongue will get tangled when I read, I'm a great reader and I'm very brave to try."
Repeat this phrase together three times while gently tapping on the "karate point" (the edge of the hand). This is a way of saying, "I see your fear, but I know you are much more than that."
3. Start the tapping round with your own words
Let's begin the EFT point round! As you gently tap each point, encourage your child to express their fear in their own words. The important thing is that it's authentic.
Tip for parents: Guide him with short sentences that reflect his feelings.
- “This fear in my stomach”
- "And if others make fun"
- “This lump in my throat”
- "The Gibberish Monster"
After a round or two, it's time to gently introduce the positive. This is where we begin to change our perspective, to open a new door.
- "What if I tried to be calm?"
- “I have the right to read at my own pace.”
- “Every word I read is a small victory.”
- "I'm proud of myself for trying."
This work on confidence is far from anecdotal. A recent French study revealed that self-confidence is the number one concern for 63% of young women aged 13 to 20. It's more important to them than their image or their mental health! To learn more about Generation Z's priorities, take a look at this survey . This shows us how essential it is to give these tools to our children, as early as possible.
Integrating EFT into Your Family Routines
The key to making EFT Confidence a natural part of your child's life is to gently integrate it into your family life. There's no need to block off long blocks of time or make it a homework assignment. Instead, think of it as small moments of connection that, when added together, make a huge difference.
The trick is to identify key moments of the day when a little tapping session can naturally slip in. Far from being just another chore, it's a way to turn ordinary moments into breaks that strengthen your child's emotional balance.
Making EFT a daily game: our advice for parents
The goal is to make the practice fun and spontaneous, by associating it with very specific situations. You'll see, it will quickly become a reassuring habit for your child, a sort of "magic power" that he can use on his own whenever he feels the need.
Some ideas for family rituals to get you started:
- The morning "courage round." In the car, just before dropping him off at school, take two minutes to tap together. This is ideal for calming the knot in your stomach before a presentation or the fear of being alone in the playground.
- The "evening round" for a good night's sleep. Just before reading the story, offer a short session to "clear the air" of the day's worries. This is a great technique for calming agitation, releasing tension, and preparing for a peaceful night.
- EFT "SOS" before a challenge. Use it specifically when a stressful event arises. This could be before a sports competition to manage pressure, after an argument with a friend to calm sadness, or even before tackling homework to help with concentration.
The goal isn't to be perfect, but to create a moment of connection. By showing your child that a few taps can help them feel better, you're giving them a priceless gift: the ability to manage their own emotions.
By incorporating EFT into these small rituals, you're doing more than just boosting his confidence. You're also strengthening your bond. These few shared minutes become precious moments of complicity, building a solid foundation of emotional security for him, and for the entire family.
Family well-being: a virtuous circle for trust
By helping your child with EFT for their self-confidence , you will quickly realize that this tool can also do wonders for you. We know that parental stress, anxieties about the future or that feeling of being overwhelmed... these are very real emotions that drain us of our energy.
Taking a few minutes to do a round of EFT for yourself can really change the atmosphere at home. A parent who can manage their own emotions and regain their calm is a parent who, without even realizing it, radiates a precious sense of security.
In fact, it's one of the most powerful parental gestures there is: showing by example that we can welcome our emotions without letting them drown us.
Your serenity as a parent is the breeding ground for their confidence.
Children are like emotional sponges. When you are relaxed and calm, your child instinctively senses it, and their own little nervous system calms down in turn. It's in this atmosphere of tranquility that their confidence can truly take root and grow.
Taking care of yourself as a parent isn't selfish. It's the greatest gift you can give your child: a parent who is more present, more patient, and simply more available to support their development.
It's no secret that lack of confidence is a real social issue. In fact, a 2023 study found that around 44% of French employees feel psychologically distressed , a situation often linked to low self-esteem. If you want to delve deeper into the importance of mental health in France , this article is very enlightening.
By making EFT a small habit for you too, you break the cycle of stress and create a virtuous circle. Your calmness nurtures their confidence, and seeing your child flourish strengthens your own sense of competence as a parent. It's a positive dynamic that benefits the whole family.
Your questions about EFT for children
It's perfectly normal to have questions before embarking on EFT for your child's self-confidence . This is actually a great thing; it shows that you're taking this approach seriously. Let's take a look at the most frequently asked questions so you can get started with confidence.
At what age can my child start EFT?
You can start much earlier than you might think! From the age of 4 or 5 , EFT can be introduced as a game. A very effective parenting tip is to use a comfort blanket.
Concrete example: "It seems that Teddy is a little afraid of the dark tonight. What if we help him with the magic dots?" For older children, between 6 and 12 years old , the method described in this guide is perfect, because they already have the ability to put words to what they feel. The key is to always present it as a game, a moment of complicity.
What if my child refuses to participate?
Above all, never force it. Your best asset is example. If your child isn't receptive at the time, simply seeing you practice on yourself can be enough to pique their curiosity.
Parenting tip: You could simply say, "Mom's a little tired from her day, so I'm going to take a quick walk to feel better." Another gentle approach is to offer to gently pat her back while she tells you about her day—without even mentioning EFT. This simple, soothing touch already does a lot of the work.
The key is to never make it a chore. When your child sees it as your secret tool for dealing with little worries, they'll understand that it's a help, not a punishment.
How long should a session last?
With EFT, it's not the duration that matters, but the regularity. A session can be very brief. Often, less than 5 minutes is enough to defuse a strong emotion.
A short "evening round" to relieve the day's tensions will be much more effective than a long session once a month. The idea is to create a healthy habit, a small family ritual that connects you with one another.
I'm afraid of making mistakes in points or sentences...
It's a very common fear, but let me reassure you: it's impossible to "do it wrong." What matters most is your kind intention as a parent.
Even if you mix up two points or the words aren't perfect, simply paying gentle attention to your child's emotion while stimulating their body through touch has a calming effect. EFT is an incredibly flexible technique. Trust yourself—you are your child's expert.
To go further and help your child explore their emotions and build their confidence every day, the My Book Story notebook is a wonderful companion. It's filled with creative activities and simple rituals to help them grow with peace of mind. Take a look at the My Book Story Notebook and give them a space to express themselves freely.