For a child, the idea of "cultivating their garden" is a vivid and very concrete way of talking about their inner world. Think about it: it's a bit like being a real gardener, but instead of planting flowers, you learn to take care of your emotions. The goal is simple: to help them recognize their feelings, grow their confidence, and overcome the small challenges of everyday life. It makes personal development a much more fun adventure!
Understanding Your Child's Inner Garden
The garden metaphor is a treasure trove for talking about emotions with children ages 6 to 12. It makes abstract concepts much more tangible and transforms a sometimes intimidating subject into an almost familiar activity. Imagine that each child has their own secret garden, a unique inner landscape filled with their joys, fears, dreams, and doubts.
For this garden to truly flourish, it needs a few essential elements, much like a real plant:
- The sun : it is your attention, your validation.
- Water : it is your encouragement, the recognition of his efforts.
- The good earth : it is a family environment where he feels safe.
- Care : These are the little rituals and discussions you have together.
How Challenges Become Opportunities to Grow
Adopting this vision of the garden completely changes the way we approach difficulties. A bad grade at school? It's no longer a tragedy, but rather a "seed" that perhaps just needs a different tutor to grow straight. An argument with a friend? It's a "weed" that we must learn to recognize and remove before it invades the entire vegetable garden.
This approach is fantastic for developing resilience in your child. They understand that unpleasant emotions, just like nettles or bindweed, are a part of life. The important thing isn't to never have them, but to learn not to let them take over so you can continue to grow pretty flowers alongside them. This is a key skill for building strong self-esteem.
A parallel with our own relationship with gardening
It's quite telling to see that this metaphor resonates in our adult lives. A study revealed that while 64% of French people have a garden , the pleasure of taking care of it is not always there, especially among younger people. Having a garden is not enough; you have to actively take care of it to get satisfaction from it.
The logic is exactly the same for our children's emotional garden. It's not enough to "have" emotions; you have to learn to cultivate them with care and gentleness to flourish. If you're curious, you can take a look at the results of the UNEP barometer, which details these trends.
Our role as parents is not to create a perfect garden, without a single weed. Rather, it is to give our children the tools, confidence, and love necessary to one day become the happy gardener of their own inner world.
This guide will show you how to do just that. Through creative activities, like those in the My Book Story notebook, you'll be able to accompany your child on this wonderful adventure. Together, you'll learn to sow the seeds of trust, welcome the "weeds" without judgment, and, most importantly, celebrate every little flower that grows.
Sowing the seeds of confidence and creativity
For a child to make their inner garden bloom, they first need good seeds. I'm talking about those precious qualities like confidence, curiosity, courage, and kindness. Our role as parents is to help them identify these and give them a little boost so they can germinate and flourish.
Imagine for a moment this inner garden as a real plot of land. For a plant to grow well, it needs rich, balanced soil. It's exactly the same for your child's mind: it needs a stable and nourishing emotional environment to develop peacefully.
This visual perfectly illustrates this balance. No one element dominates the others, which creates the ideal conditions for growth. Similarly, juggling encouragement, autonomy, and the need for security is fundamental to our children's well-being.
Putting qualities into words so they come to life
The very first thing to do, and it's arguably the most important, is to help your child name their own strengths. Often, they don't even realize they've just demonstrated courage or creativity. It's up to us to point this out to them, but not with a simple "well done." You need words that convey meaning.
For example, instead of saying, "Good, you tidied your room."
Instead, try something like, "I saw how organized you were to put away all your toys. That's your seed of ingenuity growing!"
The difference is enormous, don't you think? We no longer just praise the action; we name the quality behind it. The child then begins to integrate this strength as a part of himself.
One of the greatest gifts you can give a child is to give them the words to understand their own strengths. By naming their qualities, you hold up a mirror where they can see the best in themselves.
To help you identify and name these seeds, here's a handy little chart. It will give you ideas for associating emotions with concrete everyday actions and fun activities.
Emotional Seeds and How to Make Them Germinate
| Emotional Seed | Key Parental Action | Example of an Activity with your child |
|---|---|---|
| Self-confidence | Highlight your efforts, even for small successes. | Draw your proudest achievement of the week. |
| Courage | Validate his fears, then celebrate when he faces them. | Create a "fear monster" and draw it defeated. |
| Creativity | Encourage "crazy" ideas without judgment. | Invent and write an alternative ending to your favorite story. |
| Kindness | Notice and name your kind gestures towards others. | Write a “recipe for friendship” with positive ingredients. |
| Perseverance | Praise him for trying again, even after failure. | Draw a maze and trace its path to the exit. |
This chart is just a starting point. The important thing is to pay attention to these small, everyday moments that are wonderful opportunities to nurture your child's garden.
Create rituals to anchor successes
Words are a great start, but pairing them with a playful ritual helps anchor these learnings for the long term. This is where a tool like the My Book Story notebook can be a great companion. It makes the abstract concrete and fun.
Let’s take an example with the seed of courage . Here is a very simple ritual to put in place:
- Spot an act of courage : “Just now, I saw that you dared to ask the teacher your question, even though you were a little intimidated.”
- Name the seed : "That's a wonderful display of courage. Your little seed of courage just grew a little bigger."
- Anchor the memory : “What if tonight, in your notebook, you drew a flower to remind you of this moment? Each new flower could represent a time when you were brave.”
Little by little, you're creating a "courage garden" together that your child can see and touch. They'll no longer just hear that they're brave—they'll see it grow before their eyes. They can leaf through their notebook and remember all the times they've overcome their fears, which will give them incredible strength for the challenges ahead. It's a simple yet profoundly effective way to help them cultivate their inner garden, one little flower at a time.
Welcoming Weeds Without Judgment
In any garden, no matter how well-maintained, we always end up finding a few "weeds." It's the same with your child's inner garden. These slightly prickly weeds represent less pleasant emotions and thoughts like doubt, jealousy, or the fear of failure. As parents, our first instinct is often to want to pull them out as quickly as possible.
But what if we tried something else? A gentler, more constructive approach, which involves showing our child how to welcome these emotions without judging them. The idea isn't to let them take over, but rather to observe and understand them so that they lose some of their power over us.
Acknowledge the emotion without fighting it
The first thing you can do to help your child take care of their emotional garden is to teach them how to spot these so-called "weeds." This starts with validating their feelings. Instead of saying things like, "Don't be afraid" or "There's no reason to be jealous," you can try opening the conversation.
Let's say your child is sad about not being picked for a team. You could simply say, "It seems like a big 'sad weed' has grown in your yard today. It's allowed to be there. If you want, we can talk about it." By doing this, you're not dismissing the emotion. Instead, you're giving it a name and making space for it, which is essential for learning how to manage it.
Validating a difficult emotion is a bit like turning on a small light in a dark corner of the garden. We don't chase away the shadows, but we allow the child to see what's hidden there and be less afraid of it.
This simple recognition can change everything. The child then understands that all their emotions are acceptable and that it is not "bad" to feel anger or envy.
Creative tools to put thoughts at a distance
Once the emotion is there and acknowledged, you need concrete tools to ensure your child doesn't feel overwhelmed. Here are some mindfulness-inspired techniques that are perfect for ages 6-12 :
- The Soap Bubble Exercise: Have your child close their eyes. Ask them to imagine this slightly unpleasant thought or emotion. Then, invite them to gently place it in an imaginary soap bubble and watch it float into the sky until it disappears.
- Drawing the Weed: The My Book Story notebook is a great resource for this activity. Suggest that your child draw their current "weed." Giving it a shape, colors, and even a fun name helps them see it as something outside of themselves.
The goal of these techniques is not to make the thought disappear, but to create a certain distance. The child learns that he is not his emotion. He is the one observing it, a bit like a gardener who looks at a plant without becoming confused with it.
After taking a closer look at this “weed,” the final step is to choose what to plant next to it. The discussion might end like this: “Okay, this weed of doubt is there. What if we decided to plant a tiny seed of confidence right next to it? What could you do to water it a little?” This is a very gentle way to help them take back control and continue actively cultivating their inner garden .
Watering your garden with daily rituals
The secret to a vibrant garden isn't a matter of watering it every now and then, but rather of those small, thoughtful gestures, repeated day after day. It's exactly the same for your child's emotional garden. Regular watering is the image of those small daily attentions that, without realizing it, nourish their inner security and self-esteem.
Think about it: a heavy downpour can drown a young plant. In contrast, gentle, consistent watering creates a stable, predictable environment where the child feels safe to thrive. These rituals lay the foundation for their well-being.
Highlight the effort, not just the result
One of the most transformative rituals we can adopt as parents is to change the way we praise. We often have the reflex to focus on the result: "What a beautiful drawing!" "You got a great grade!" But the real magic happens when we value the journey we've made and the effort we've put in.
Instead of saying, "That's beautiful!" try describing what you saw:
- “I loved watching you choose your colors for this drawing! You can tell you really put some thought into it.”
- "I saw that you didn't give up, even when that math problem was complicated. Your perseverance is a real strength."
This small nuance changes everything. You no longer judge performance; you recognize a quality: creativity, patience, courage. The child then understands that the important thing is not to be perfect, but to dare to try and learn along the way.
Regular attention to our child's efforts is like watering a plant. It doesn't cause immediate spectacular growth, but it nourishes the roots deep down, ensuring rock-solid strength for the future.
Create small pride rituals
To make this habit a part of your daily life, there's nothing like a simple and welcoming ritual. The "3 proud moments of the day" is an excellent example, perfect for slipping into your evening routine. With a resource like the My Book Story notebook, invite your child to write down or draw three things that made them proud today.
It could be as simple as sharing a toy, daring to ask a question in class, or finally tying their own shoelaces. This simple exercise helps them focus on the positive and build their own store of happy memories.
This kind of regular commitment echoes a long-standing trend. Did you know that in the Île-de-France region, 80% of people with a garden have adopted sustainable practices like composting or water recovery? This is what a study on the commitment of gardeners reveals. The parallel is inspiring: just as these actions nourish the earth, your small daily rituals nourish your child's well-being in the long term.
Celebrating harvests and encouraging self-reliance
The ultimate goal in teaching your child to cultivate their inner garden is for them to gradually become the confident gardener of their own world. This final step is essential: it's about celebrating the "harvests" and gently guiding them toward greater emotional autonomy.
Every step forward is a precious harvest. A challenge overcome, a difficult emotion successfully handled, a small step forward... all these moments deserve to be celebrated. It is by recognizing these successes that the child truly becomes aware of his or her abilities.
Transform the newspaper into a pride album
A creative journal like My Book Story can easily become a true "harvest album." It's a treasure trove you can leaf through together, a place where all your victories are recorded.
Imagine going through the pages with him and saying, “Remember that time you were so scared of… and you still succeeded? Look, you drew it here!” This makes his skills concrete and gives him tangible evidence of his own strength.
Celebrating past successes isn't just about self-indulgence. It's about giving your child a reservoir of confidence they can draw on later. It's telling them, "You've succeeded before; you have what it takes to succeed again."
Ask the right questions to help him see his strengths
Autonomy is built when the child understands not only that he has succeeded , but also how he did it. For this, there is nothing better than open-ended questions. They invite him to reflect on his own journey and to identify the resources he has used.
Here are some ideas to get the conversation started:
- "How do you think you managed to achieve that?"
- “What helped you inside at that time?”
- “What did you learn about yourself by doing this?”
These questions shift the spotlight. Instead of depending on your "well done," he begins to build his own self-esteem, based on his real experiences. This is a tremendous gift you are giving him.
We also see this same need to take care of our spaces in our relationship with our gardens. When we know that 74% of French households have an outdoor space , and that many call on professionals to maintain it, we understand the importance we give to it. If the subject interests you, this analysis on the importance of the garden is very enlightening. This same attention, this same desire to celebrate the fruits of our efforts, is just as essential for the emotional garden of our children.
Your questions as a gardening parent
Even with the most beautiful watering can in the world, we sometimes wonder if we're doing things right. This is completely normal. Helping your child discover their inner garden is a wonderful adventure, but it inevitably raises some questions. Here are some tips, drawn from my experience, to guide you.
My child is very reserved, how can I help him?
If your child is struggling to put their feelings into words, don't rush them. Forcing them to speak is a bit like trying to open a flower bud with your fingers: it doesn't work and risks damaging it. Creativity is a much gentler way out for children who are more timid or simply not ready to talk.
Here are some simple ideas to suggest to him:
- Drawing to free yourself : Invite him to draw the "weather of his day" or to "choose a color for his emotion." It's a concrete way to externalize what's happening inside, without the pressure of words.
- Writing as a Confidant : A journal like My Book Story is a secret garden, a space just for him. He can write, draw, and paste whatever he wants, without ever having to show it.
The key is to respect their pace. By offering them these alternatives, you're sending a clear message: "I'm here for you, however you choose to express yourself."
Your role isn't to force the garden door open, but to show him where the keys are hidden. Patience and creativity are your best allies in inviting him to open up when he feels ready.
What if he only sees the "weeds"?
Sometimes a child seems stuck in the negative. Their garden, in their eyes, is nothing but a field of "weeds": arguments, frustrations, minor disappointments. Our first instinct as parents is often to want to pull these weeds out immediately, saying, "No, look on the bright side!"
Yet the first thing to do is acknowledge what he's feeling. A simple sentence like, "I see that sad thought is taking up a lot of space right now," validates his emotion. This is crucial. He feels understood. Then, and only then, can you invite him to play a little game of looking elsewhere, without denying his sadness.
Give him a challenge, like the "treasure hunter of the day" game. The idea? Find three small, positive things together, even tiny ones: a cuddle from the cat, the taste of hot chocolate, a kind word from a friend. It's a fun and gentle way to teach him to also notice the pretty flowers that grow, often discreetly, right next to them.
This garden story, does it work at any age?
Absolutely! And that's the magic of this image: it grows with your child.
- With younger children (4-5 years old) , we stick to simple, visual concepts. We talk about "flowers of joy", "clouds of sadness" or "storms of anger".
- With preteens (12-14 years old) , the metaphor is enriched. We can talk about their "inner ecosystem," "emotional seasons," or "inner weather." These deeper concepts echo the major upheavals they are experiencing and their quest for identity.